Dinner 2

After I left the gym--I didn't know what to think. I have hated his deflections. But I realize and still am realizing that despite his passive approach, he wants control over the terms of how anything transpires. Giving up control is not something at which I'm good. I hate, detest, and abhor it. People often assume that they can intimidate me in the usual ways to gain control. It doesn't often work. But then I realized--I'm the one doing the asking. I need to accomodate. Fuck--so terribly elementary and yet not my automatic reaction.

I realized that run-ins at the gym would no longer be neutral. I had made the move, and I had to live with it. I thought about avoiding the gym the following day but scratched that idea as being a pussy.

I called my friends--they all chimed in again--we told you so.

I showed up the next day at the regular time. He wasn't there. It was getting late. He wasn't there. I knew it. I scared him away. I scared the poor undergrad out of the fucking gym. If you know when to be there when someone is there, you also know when not to be there. He must have come early, or will come after I'm gone.

It was probably in my head, but every freakin Asian I have ever seen come to the gym poured into the weightroom over the next 20 mins. It has been the case that since starting to chat with Asian boy, I have gotten prolonged stares from some random Asians. I get stares often though--so I didn't know what to make of them.

There was no use in even looking for him. I just started my last exercise resigned to the fact that I scared him away.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw what might be him. I didn't even look more closely--I was mistaken--there was no doubt.

I continued my last few sets until again, in the mirror, I finally saw him. Shit I thought. He's here. I beelined for the bathroom, and decided upon returning that one last exercise was in order.

He was on my way to the bench. He saw me coming, and stood not looking away from me, waiting to come within range. Fuck, here goes nothing.

I looked at him and demurely but with seriousness said hey as I walked by.

That's when I noticed the difference in his demeanor. He was earnest and looking right at me, intently, with openness. The combination was unexpected. It startled me but I stopped that emotion from surfacing.

He said, "hey,--and then my name--" deliberately. He rarely says my name. Then he said, "how are you?"

I was taken aback, didn't know what to do, and tongue tied I half grunted and nodded affirmatively.

I got to my bench laid down and thought--shit, that was totally unexpected. That's not a "fuck off" look, mood, or notice of an impending dismissal conversation.

I will try again I thought.

My apperance is imposing I have been told now for a long time. Body language is supposed to be a great way of either increasing or decreasing this effect. I noticed a tiny bench, probably even a foot stool in front of him. I waited till he was about to finish his set and then I quickly went and sat in front of him. I also know that I can make rather convincing puppy eyes.

I broadened by eyes with attentiveness and respectfulness--and looked up at him while flexing my shoulders in a shy configuration. "hey.... are you still up for catching a meal sometime?" I said with delicacy.

"Yea", he replied immediately. He started to say something. It sounded like "today", but I couldn't tell before he restrained himself and was silent. He looked at me and waited. I slightly and quietly stuttered -- "when might be a good time for you?" I looked at him intently.

"Today actually--" he said without hesitation and with a cocky smile.

I think seeing my face at that moment must have been like watching an atomic reaction through titanium glass--you get the muted version of something big.

As I swallowed my excitement. A beat. Then, I glanced at the clock nearby and said, how much are you doing today?

"Hmm... " he mused and glanced at the clock, "probably about 10-15 minutes more".

"Cool, I have two more sets and then I'll stretch," he smiled. I walked off.

I felt estatic and yet this step was trivial relative to anything meaningful.

I sat down and started cranking out the reps. I looked at the clock, and wondered, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.

Where is this going? How is he okay with this?

I've romantically befriended other guys at my school--but with them, there was a thread of association a priori. One time, with the one most impacting to my life, the thread was pretty shotty and really a thinly veiled excuse. But with this one, here, there really was nothing.

I got up, and went to stretch. All my stretching posts and benches were taken so I found a remote one. I wouldn't have to look at him either.

I finished and went up to him to say that I was just going to change. He smiled, and said, "Sure."

I changed. He was still not done. I had to make a phone call that would be brief and formal. He was on his way out while I was on it. He smiled, motioned, and said, "Let me just go wash up..."

I smiled, nodded, and mouthed, "Sure."

Shit, I couldn't believe it. I was going to eat with this guy I've been fucking mulling over for weeks. How ridiculous. The impossible, stoic, mysterious, and sought after Asian boy.