New Years at Ipanema

So I get to the beach to meet up with my São Paulo friends. I never expected to actually find them given that my phone got no coverage. However, I bumped into them almost as soon as I go there. After our slew of Brazilian cheek kisses, we made our way to their beach chairs and they introduced me to another couple. One of them has been working out at my gym back home for 2 yrs. Crazy coincidence. He’s not a very outgoing or nice guy, so I didn’t remember his name. Older guy, very nice body; face is not so nice.

After our introduction, he never spoke nor acknowledged me. Typical American. A Brazilian would have been polite enough to make small talk. I had to go the bathroom and I figured I would feel less self-conscious about being in a skimpy speedo if I went to cool off by taking a dip in the water.

I told my friends I'd be right back. I got up and started looking for a place to put my wallet and keys. I put them in between my friends' beach chairs.

Then I surveyed the area to find the best route to the water. Everyone was pretty engrossed in conversations amongst themselves. It was a good mix of folks from what looked like all over the world.

As I looked towards the horizon, I caught one of my SP friends checking me out from head to toe. He was quite unabashed about it despite the fact that his bf was sitting right next to him. When I caught him, he made no expression whatsoever, but just looked away.

I have a crush on him. I got sad that he was not impressed enough to have any expression on his face. The beach was jam packed evenly for pretty much as far as I could see. So I figured the best approach was just a straight line to the water.

I was TERRIFIED. Most guys were “in shape.” But there were A LOT, A LOT of them were just plainly IMPOSSIBLY ripped and muscular. I mean, ripped, as in under 3% bodyfat. They were like walking anatomy charts. I thought “geez... my little ol’ 8 pack will do nothing for me here.” Their tans were gorgeous too. My last min jam at the tanning salon was not going to cut it. But, even if I was terrified, I sure was not going to let anyone see my fear!

Dang it. I worked my ass for this moment, and I was going to enjoy it. My mind was racing. It wouldn’t stop. I forced myself to think of the sexiest guy I could remember. I made myself believe I was him and told myself– now walk like him!

So I headed off for the water. As I started to walk, all these groups of heads turned in my direction. “Oh man! Here we go! The big CHECK OUT AND LOOKOVER…," I thought to myself.

“Okay… no biggie. This is one of the biggest holidays… They have others to look at… Goddang it—there’s a collection of gorgeous gay men here from around the world… This won’t last more than a few painful moments… relax… keeping the zen… ohm” :D

As I walked, I started to notice that they were not looking away… That’s when I got REALLY scared. I remembered what my friend in the US had said about folks here, that if they stare for more than a moment, they like you, and you have to stare back. So I eventually I looked back in part just to confirm what I was sensing and seeing only out of the corners of my eyes. Many, like little birds on a beach, turned away. “Okay… cool… it was all in my head…”

As I started to get deeper into the crowd, I started to hear catcalls. I thought, “Oooh… there must be some really hot guy walking nearby…” I turned to look for this other guy. There was no one in the area standing or moving. Everyone around me for a good 50 yards was sitting down. Then the catcalls started getting closer to me and louder. As I finally decided to look down at the guys in the area immediately  around me, I saw them cat calling, smiling, and looking at me… and avoiding eye contact at the same time.

Then I realized, they were catcalling as soon as I passed them by. I was like hooOOOOOLEEEE COW… This beach is like the best of the best… It is the Olympics of my homo-people… How is this happening?!?! I lost my composure and was just stunned…

As I continued making my way to the water, the catcalls and head turns were like a wake I was leaving. I noticed that guys would look and cat call much more so after I passed them. I couldn't fight back a faint  smile... I couldn't really smile all thew way because I just thought it was too ridiculous to believe that this was really happening to me.

Eventually, I reached the water. I walked straight in until the water reached my shoulders. I just wanted to be non-self-conscious and know that a bunch of eyes were not examining me. I stayed in the water a while. I wanted to just relax for a moment. I had a really hard time peeing because I couldn’t relax hahaahahahaha. I didn’t want to get my hair wet. However, there were some SERIOUS rip-tides. The ocean had its way with me. It threw me so hard onto the sand at one point, that my entire right forearm was deeply scraped, and I had blood all over my arm.

I love nature =) 

Eventually my friend approached the beach. I walked over to him. He said they were going to saddle up with their other friends and asked if I wanted to come along or if I wanted to stay here to wait for my other friends. I said I’d come along. We gathered our stuff and headed over.

As I walked through those crowds, I saw my gay life flash before my eyes. You might think I’m being dramatic but hear me out. EVERYONE from my gym in São Paulo was there. I saw guys from my gym back home. I saw folks from my gym back at school. Goodness gracious… the entire gay gym set was here! But… as if that was not enough… I saw guys from college there too! Even guys I had suspected of being gay freshman year! I literally saw men I had known from coast to coast in the U.S.

As I kept walking, I noticed my friend’s boyfriend. His body was pretty bad. No muscle at all; a little belly, and terrible bone structure. He had a gorgeous face and a pretty tan. He moved around with total confidence. He had no issues w/ himself and was comfortable in his own skin. I wondered what it would be like to be so confident.

Feeling Needy

I hate it. Detest it. It is Gross.

Parents

My mom just called me. I graduated last month. My parents and I spent a long time during that week. All we did was talk. We never argued. It was amazing. My siblings were mostly out of the country doing their own things. My favorite brother has not been speaking to me for almost 1.5 yrs now. He boycotted my graduation despite both of my parents asking him to come. My told me that he just lost his job. He told me in private b/c he's been not wanting to worry my mother.

My mother was moving some of our old things from one house to another. She needed some help so she asked me to tell my father. She called me about an hour later to tell me that I didn't have to tell him. He was already there. My father lives a LONG way from that house. I was surprised.

Today my mother called me again. She and my father talked a lot while moving the things. About his upcoming non-profit trip, the kids, my graduation, my new apartment. My mom said it was a very "tender" moment. She said that after all maybe he's not such a bad guy. Then she paused, and said, "Well, I wasn't very nice to him either when we were together..."

I didn't say anything. I was just surprised. My father's wife does not talk to him. She hates him. She's also not nearly as attractive as my mom -- hence why I have a full half brother who is older than some of my half siblings. Doesn't every person with divorced parents wonder if they might get back together again?

Face It

What do you do when you just have such a gorgeous face?

Rant - Junk Food at Work

My friend just IMed me -- "my company bought us bagels, brb!"

WTF?

Bagels = pure carbs. Fatness. Grossness.

Is it not the same as getting excited that your company bought you big macs?

Who would eat such things?

My roommate left one saturday morning. "I'm going to get breakfast. I'll be right back."

He came back with a big bag from McDonald's.

How do people manage to do each such things?

I just assessed my finances as part of tax season.

75% of my discretionary funds goes towards food/supplements.

I suppose I over emphasize that aspect of the quality of my life.

Dreams Dreams Dreeeeeeeehms

I had a night class so I drank coffee to stay awake. Crap kept me up till 3:30am. Oops LOL!

I watched three consecutive X-Files instead of writing one of my final papers for the semester.

Fell asleep and dreamt that I was back in Brazil. I miss it so bad.

The Love. The Boys. The Beauty. The Warmth.

I was in an old apartment like the one I had while there. Little to know decor. Lots of sunlight though. I lived alone. I bounded down the stairs of my building. Rushing to work, per usual.

On the busy rua, I ran into a very familiar face. It was Gian. This guy from college. He gave me this enormous smile. A knowing smile that bordered on being a smirk.

I said--WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I had to come. Everything is about Brazil now. Haven't you heard?

Of course I have! It's been so long.

I know huh?

He looked devestatingly gorgeous. Golden skin, dark blonde hair. Perfect almond shaped blue-flame like eyes, arched etched brows, and those plump ruby red lips.

I started to get hard. He walked along side me to my bus stop. Where are you going?

Same place as you.

Faria Lima?

Yup.

Then I asked what I had to ask. Are you out?

Of course -- it's Brazil! No one knows me here.

The bus arrived, heading in our direction. I boarded first. I looked at him as I got on. He was right next to me. As I stepped up, he put his hand on the small of my back, and then almost simultaneously boarded alongside me.

When I felt his hand firmly behind me, I turned around as my jaw fell in surprise. He was stepping up and his smile grew even larger. He leaned into me.

Then I woke up.

I looked him up on facebook, sadly expecting him to have succumbed to the stalker of time. Almost all since college have fallen prey to father time. When I saw his profile--I lost it. He looks even Hotter. How is that possible? What's more... he's in law school now too :D