Feeling Alive Again

Went out w/ Super Boi tonight. We had coffee. He's hotter than before. So intimidating and yet so delicious. I drank more of him than I did my tea. As excited as I am about him, I'm more excited about going out w/ a guy that I actually like. It's been so long since this has been the case. In fact, it's been a full year--since the Lawyer. Wow.

Super Boi has been much MUCH more into me ever since he found out I was truly versatile and that I would let him fuck me. In fact, he has been really forward about wanting to fuck me. I purposely asked him out to dinner for a week night to avoid the issue b/c I do want to just get to know him. He cleverly asked to move it to Saturday night. I again avoided it and moved it to tonight--Sunday. I didn't know if he would bite.

It didn't look like he would, and then he did. We went to coffee and it was fun. We are so different and yet so alike. We're both obsessive about dieting and working out. I talk alot. He's one of few words.

He might join my gym. We're having dinner. He's still overt about being into sex, but he didn't bring it up during coffee which is great. It's nice to at the very least have a fling and at the very most to have the possibility of something more.

We'll see =)

The 3rd Date

They say its supposed to be the fuck date. At least that's what I've been told. But then again, I'm first generation, gay, and really never had an adolescent dating life. So what do I know?

Super Boi shares many of these same qualities with me. So I suppose the same question applies to him as well.

Tonight was technically our 3rd date. No--nothing happened. But it was set up that way.

After our second date, I was told that the ball was in my court. So I asked him out to workout again. He said he was busy. "Friend from out of town coming in... yada yada yada. Friend wants to go out... yada yada. Are you going out this weekend?"

Me go out? PUH-lease. I have shit to do. Of course not. Who the hell do u think I am? Some sort of idiot who's a part of the scene?

Great. He doesn't like me. Just before I send out a blunt short message to him, I think, Wait a minute? What am I hoping for here? Another awkward dinner date? I hardly know him. I asked him to workout b/c goddam it, that's all I know to do with him.

My friends are cool. I wonder if his friends are cool. I'd probably know if he likes me based on how he treats me around his friends. Bingo. Fuck being stuck indoors. From the bars I hear the call.

So I texted his ass. "I might go out, depending on work. If I do, I'll shoot you a text. Are you staying in your neighborhood?"

No, he was coming closer to my neighborhood.

I turn down invites from the Bois all the time. So this time, I accepted and steered the group towards the target gayborhood. Sometimes these things can be just so doable!

The group dwindled down to me and the chair of the LGBT group. He like loves me... hehe.

So we mosey-on-down to his favorite club... when lo' and behold, yessirreeee, we run into Super Boi. HAHAHA.

"Oh my gawd..." blah blah blah... where r u going??? where r U going?? blah blah blah.

We all went to the same club. He looked fantastic.

He made fun of me for wearing a fleece. Whatever. I'm not getting sick, though the real unsaid reason was that I was wearing a shirt that makes me look pretty damn good, and I hate parading around and having people look at me... I wanted to be seen by just one guy that evening, and the moment hadn't yet arrived for that...

We went inside and it was noisy as hell. We got drinks and I went to the bathroom. I primped a little, pee-ed, and lost the jacket. Time for my entrance. I pretended to look clueless and like the crowd was nearly always in my way. When I looked up. He was staring right at me. His body was towards the bar, but his head was turned right at me.

He looked slightly stunned, and then his glare was intense, and then he smiled. I looked down shyly and smiled ever so slightly, but never in a way that made it seem like it was about me.

Wow... it feels great to have his eyes on me. To be the objective of his gaze. I could freeze time and live forever, almost happy, if it were not for the fact that I wish I could behold him in the same way.

We found a sofa eventually. And he didn't end up next to me. I got along great with his friend, and he did as well with mine. We were all talking a mile a minute.

For brief moments, we talked amongst the four of us, and it seemed like the conversation at several points was about me and how much I like hot guys... he seemed to laugh, but he was uncomfortable.

He went to the bathroom, and the sofa seating arrangment got re-shuffled. He came back. I scooted down. He sat next to me.

He went dead silent. WTF??? What just happened. I made light conversation.

We talked a bit here and there. Awkward silence. Then, he took out his game boy. OMFG. He hung his head low in shame as he threw it on to his lap. Now it wasn't really a game boy. I don't know what the fuck it is--its just some game playing device. Except he didn't open it. And as he threw it down, he gave an expression of futility. And I laughed. Wow... u just can't talk when its with me can u? U can talk 2 my friend for ever and ever, but u can't talk to me.

As I laughed, I noticed he didn't open it. and so I said as I laughed, go ahead open it. But he shook his head.

Okay, I get it. The safety blanket, right?

Whatever.

I brought up conversation about his interests. He found it amusing. He laughed. Finally.

Another moment of silence.

He rubbed my wrist and forearm. I didn't know u were hairy, he said.

I'm not really.

That's what I thought, he said. In your picture, you don't have any hair on your chest.

He remembers my pic that well, eh?

Well, I don't. Just my arms and legs are hairy.

So then I rubbed his arms. You're just totally smooth like that??? Yes he said. I trim some. Yum.

What does your shirt say? I asked as he stuck out his chest, causing it to jump out and the split to look impossibly gorgoeous as the tear from the collar widened.

I don't know he says. I like it I said.

We talked and talked.

Listen, I know your busy, but I was wondering if on thursday, before we go to the recruiting event, you might be okay with having a quick dinner?

DINNER? he said and smiled. You want to do dinner? he said again.

Yea, I asked, and smiled.

Yea, I could do that. He said. I can meet you at 8.

Great.

We talked and talked amongst us all. We got up. Walked around and then walked out.

I should get going he said. I've been out since 10:30.

Me too I said. I don't want to mess up my sleeping schedule.

When we had to part ways. He stood up ram rod straight, and made no motion towards me. almost as if to make a point. how pathetic.

So I went up to him. Sweetly and drew myself to his ear. "It was great seeing you tonight," I whispered. He smiled.

"I'll see you then Thursday," he said. "Yup," I replied. "For dinner right?" he said this time wtih a big cocky smile. What the fuck was his problem?

"yea," I said reassuringly, wondering why he was making such a big deal out of it.

He didn't make any motion towards me. What a dork.

So I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He just kept smiling and didn't kiss me back. Warning. Warning. I wonder whats up with him? Can't he just be nice and reciprocate? Not over do it in either direction?

2 days later, he e-mailed me a one month free pass to his gym. Who would've thought? I guess he does want to see me again, right?

Tonight, as luck would have it, I ran into him just before getting to the event. We lightly hugged. He seemed distant. I thought it was biz casual dress? he said. I am dressed biz cas I said.

Oops. Someone asked me if I was an undergrad. Fuck, okay, gotta dress better next time. Since when are khakis and a polo collar shirt not biz cas?

We mingled and Ethan showed up and pretended to not recognize Super Boi AGAIN.

Super Boi and I left after the presentation for dinner. It rained and we shared my umbrella. It always rains when I'm with you he said. Maybe its the goddess of fertility sending us a sign I wanted to say. But I just smiled.

He took me to his favorite restaurant. He challenged me to eat the super spicy sauce. I did and didn't flinch. He freaked. HAHAHAHAHA.

We laughed. He was more relaxed. But the whole evening he didn't make a single gesture of flirtatiousness. the most erotic moment we had was when I put his name tag on. his body is soo hard.... rraaawwrrr.

i walked him home. he said he didn't want to go to the museum, when i tried to ask him out again.

i said ethan faked not knowing him.

well, i guess he could've forgotten me, he said. I'm just another face in the sea of gays in this city he said.

Puhlease, I said. U're too pretty I said. He laughed.

That's why I like you, I said. You don't realize how hot u r.

He didn't say antyhing in response.

well, this is my place, he said. cool i thought. nothing too impressive, but then again, I was here to be a gentleman.

which way to the bus stop I asked? He pointed. Great.

he again, leaned in, but didn't kiss me. he just let me kiss him on the cheek.

WTF?

this is getting annoying. wats his deal?

If this teasing shit goes on for too long... I think it already has. Tru tru, its a school night. But u know what, u don't have 2 fuck me to just throw me a fucken bone that u like me too. Do u have 2 b such a stingy ass?

I'm buying him a book. Its a book that's right on point with the super crazy comment he made during our second date. "You can never say in this city that someone likes you for who you really are."