I am soooo bored in class. The prof is showing us some environmental movie from the late 70s / early 80s. It supposed to be really compelling but its not. I see it as a bit shallow. Its trying to argue that humans are really unnatural and that we should go back to living more naturally like the animals. Its rather odd.
Its funny though the images that are supposed to epitomize artifice and unnaturalness really remind me of really cool natural pictures that are microscopic. Latices, networks, synchronized business—all of these speak to me of the nature that most of the time is beyond our naked eye’s threshold.
My prof is sooo political and unfortunately is only so implicitly. I wish he would cut the bull shit and just say what he thinks and not be afraid to defend and have others do the same for themselves.
I so just want to quote Hobbes but I know that doing so would antagonize him out of his mind---HAHAHAHA. All is artificial—are not the circuits and the locomotives and the combustions that occur akin to our nerves, muscle, and microcellular processes?
I do not disagree with him—that’s the funny part or the irony. I just think that his approach is indirect and so unconvincing.
Okay—we’re watching so much of this fucken movie and its apparently not going anywhere but he said it was coming up.
Analysis
So I’ve been thinking about this encounter with the professor and cute boy. Obviously certain events do not add up—namely, the professor knew I liked this guy before I gave him my number.
Even when he brought up cute boy for the first time—he sarcastically asked me if he and I had been in the same class. Its clear we were not—beyond clear. He graduated three years ago. Then, he knew also that I liked him because I suggested he give my number to him.
Plus, I figure now that the awkwardness when I had asked him to give cute boy my number was because he was deliberating whether to tell me at that point or to wait.
So he waited. The fact that he later voiced his doubts about the durability of cute boy’s sexuality makes me guess that the professor allowed for my error to test cute boy—to let him know that he has options.
A few funny moments have transpired altogether throughout our interactions in the professor’s presence. I knew that cute boy was really intimidated by me at the party. I remember seeing his face and working to hide his curiosity about me.
I remember the way we left the party—and clearly so did the professor. In fact, it was the professor’s partner who had hinted at the exit rather overtly that night. He said that the two guys who were supposed to help them clean up had girls to meet. He then looked at us very oddly as if asking us the same questions. I looked at him and just kept silent. The mutuality of the reaction punctuated the absence of a response.
The professor made a very funny observation about me regarding my interaction with other guys who liked me—“You can be at times wonderfully clueless.” I laughed with my heart because all the stories I did not have time to mention to him proved his point oh so much further.
Likely the professor also saw me get cute boy’s e-mail address. He probably also cute boy’s reaction to our conversation—it was sort of intense in the sense that clearly the conversation was not a casual light one.
I don’t know where this is going. There’s one more event to write about.
