Intimacy & Being Single

I realized that I highly value looks as a means of avoiding intimacy. Lust can painlessly substitute for the exploration of someone's way of being. It doesn't involve risk. I can be open without being vulnerable. I can give you information about me without feeling what I feel about it. All you get are cold facts.

This mode trickles down into almost every facet of my life. Vulnerability with my friends, family, and even with myself.

I sent copies of my recs to Mr. Kent. He was really surprised to read them. He had no idea of all the work that I had been doing. Here I thought I told him everything.

Everybody is different around different people. But are there externalities when this contextualization of identity reaches high degrees?

I need both--lust & intimacy. I just can't go around mixing the two... at least when things start out.