Dinner with Dad

I was so exhausted today, and my plans with all my recent hotties fell through for this evening. Then I remembered that I had set up a meeting with my dad for tonight. Had completely slipped my mind. Fuck, I thought, hopefully he forgot too.

I check my phone and saw that he had already texted me to confirm. Drats.

I headed down to the coffee shop where we usually meet. He wasn't there yet. I plopped down on a big leather couch. A minute later, he showed up and was happy to see me. It's still weird for me to see that reaction in him for me. I'm still used to the days when we couldn't stand to see each other.

I got up and he hugged me. My dad is the funniest person to me in so many ways. He's shorter than me, by like a lot. So he really just ends up hugging my chest and maybe my shoulders. Yet, he carries himself with an incredible smug-filled pride--except when he hugs one of his kids.

What do you want to drink? he asks, turning around to face the baked goods display.
me: Hmmm... just tea.
dad: Are you hungry? Have you eaten?
me, wondering if he's trying to be fatherly: Not really..... (long pause).... Have you?
dad: I haven't eaten since (dad looks off to the side while counting) for over 12 hours! (he announces with pride)
I glance away trying not to roll my eyes. Gawd... his metabolism must be so fucked up.
me: Well, then you must be really hungry.

We went walking to look for a restaurant. We found one--warm yellow-orange deep lighting and mock stones made the place look inviting.

I'm going to break the conversation into parts... feel no obligation to read the whole thing;)

Conversation 1: Tino eschews carbs, Dad eats like a two year old.

Dad orders a Caesar salad (no cheese), and a lemonade. He tears into the corn bread. Hilarious. He'll have a happy meal with that to go too.

waitress, to me: And you? What would you like?
me: Uuuhhhhhmmm..... (Well I can't have carbs so let me see) I'll have the house salad with no eggs, no tomatoes, no onions --- my dad bursts into mocking laughter.
dad: you might as well just ask for only greens!
me: (well, if only they had a greens salad on the freakin' menu) Actually, can you do that?
waitress: Well we have a Gorgonzolla which includes greens.
me: Ohh.... got it. I see it. Sure I'll have that without the cranberries, cheese, pears---she interrupts me, I can tell she's a bit uncomfortable.
waitress: Just the greens and the balsamic then.
me: Hmmm... well, the balsamic on the side.
waitress: (while scribbling) Greeeat. And to drink?
me: Water.
waitress: Right... of course. (she smiles).
me: Oh, with lemon.
waitress: Aaha. Got it.

Conversation 2: Tino and Dad shoot the shit about Absolutely Nothing
Sometime after the meal arrives...
me: So nuclear energy might be making a comeback.
dad: Well with global warming and all, you know.
me: I hear there's an island in the pacific from all the plastic the US has siphoned off shore. him: Really?
me: Yea, it's twice the size of Texas.
dad, feigning some surprise: Oh wow.
We each take a few bites and give the current events small talk a rest.
Long pause. I decide that there's been enough fluff talk.

Conversation 3: Tino decides to bring up a gay topic--Chris's blog.
me: So, have I ever told you that I keep a blog?
he looks down at his food.
me: You, uhm, do know what those are?
dad: Oh... yes, yes... d-y-ari-eees.
me: (too prove that they are not a girl-thing) Oh that's right, my half brother has one.
dad: Yes, yes he does.
me: well mine is anonymous. u know... so that i can be totally honest in it. (brutal, really) people from everywhere read these things.
dad: absolutely.
me: this gay guy e-mailed.

Long conversation about Kinsey and dad's school days when homosexuality was totally nefas. Told dad about Chris's coming out post-marriage.

dad: You know, back when I was in school, psychology still abided by Freud?
me: Right... right.
dad: Well, I had one professor say in class that one interpretation of the Casanova type was that his womanizing was a front to avoid and hide his homosexuality.
me, amazed that dad's relating to me with a real example from his life: You know, I had a friend who I think might have fit into that category... that's interesting.
dad: Can you believe that back in those days, when the professor brought that up in class, some of the more religious students went so far as to walk out?
me: (ha... today, the professors will just hit on you) Yea, wow... times have really changed huh?
dad: Definitely.

Conversation 4: Tino decides to up the ante and tells Dad about Steroid Boi's Sugar Daddy--the conversation turns toward Gay Marriage

me: Did I tell you about this boi I met at the gym? The one who's on steroids?
dad: No... you haven't.
Dad looks at his salad.
dad: You know there's flooding going up North.
me: I ran into him last weekend I my friend's birthday get-together.
dad: Sorry---go ahead.
me: I wanted him to come meet my friend, but he had me wait for a minutes. He was holding the tab, and said that a friend of his had to pay. His friend was a much older guy, who paid for everything. I ran into the boi the next day at the gym. I told him, you know I'd like to hang out now that I have some more time, and before I start working again. He said to me, 'Oh, you have a job already?' I of course said no, but that getting a job is not the tough part, its enjoying the free time that I have now that I'm concerned about. You know when I said "not the tough part"... he sort of freaked out. But, he said that his older friend was having surgery and that he was picking him up later that day, and well that... he might have to care for him over the next couple of days... That's when I sort of realized that my suspicions about the previous night might have been warranted.
dad: That's disgusting. I mean not regarding the sexual preference, but that anyone would engage in such a relationship.
me: You know I thought about that.... but I realized after a while that, if you trace it back far enough, someone down the line had to marry someone for convenience's sake. Mom's mother married grandpa for the money, and he married her because she was something worth looking at... It was never a secret why they married. So---straight people have been at since forever. Pause. Except straight people have two advantages. One is progeny and the other is marriage. They allowed for the woman to generally securitize her end of the deal. Gays... we're left to whim of the one with the money.
dad: There are thousands of people everyday who risk their lives trying to get into this country. Whether on foot, or on a raft, or stowed away in some barge, to come here and make the most honest living they can. How can you attempt to speak on behalf of someone who's attempting to take the easy way out?
me: Dad.. when I told him I wanted to go to law school. He asked if the degree required 8 or 9 years of school! The kid is ignorant. He doesn't have any education beyond a high school degree. He sees no other option. Plus, few if any of those people risking their lives have the option of being a well-paid companion. Most 'companionship' sells for very little. I can't, knowing how sheltered this boi is, turn my nose up at him and go chill with all my ultra educated friends and say, well, he's just lazy. He just doesn't know. Perhaps if he got to know other people who had made it some other way, then he would view 'companionship' as not such an attractive option.
dad: I would never see that as an option. And the issue of marriage and of education or mobility are totally separate.
me: Hmmm... perhaps from a hetero perspective. However, marriage offers stability to any community. Perhaps if those two got married, the kid might get a college degree out of it. Many straight couples do things like that. Of course, it requires some sort of foundation of an assurance that someone has made some sort of commitment.
dad: I don't think that you're talking about straight people accurately. Plus, it'll be a long time before voters in this country, as a majority, think the way you do.
me: Thank goodness that's this country isn't run by referendum. You think that if it were up to voters that sexual harassment would've ever gained legal substantiation? Please! Male judges alluded to sexual harassment as serious jokes up through the mid-eighties! It was women in key positions throughout capitol hill who made that a real possibility. When judges starting asking for concrete criteria about what constituted sexual harassment--of course, believing that no one would be able to produce a rigorous document--women from numerous bureaucratic agencies stepped up to the plate, collaborated, and slapped down THE manual which today defines what is and what isn't sexual harassment. It didn't have to perfect. It just had to read like legaleze.
dad: So what's your point.
me: The more gay lawyers we have, the easier it'll be for us to respond to the counter arguments in court thrown at us by religious right. We won't have to win the battle at the polls. We'll have the ability and the authority to issue legal structures that will withstand the opposition.

Long pause.
dad: I guess we'll see.
Long pause again.

Conversation 5: Christmas
dad: So what are you doing for Christmas?
me: (shit.... he's gonna pull a guilt trip... need a trump card asap) Hmm... I don't have plans yet, really.
dad: Oh...
me: (flip the focus) How'bout you?
dad: Well... hmmm... Julie (his current wife) wants to go see her family.
me: Really??? What's the occasion.

He explains that two of her sisters were diagnosed with breast cancer.

me: So are you going?
dad: Depends.
me: On?
dad: Whether I'm invited or not. (there goes that smugness again.)
me: She probably just assumes you're going. Do you want to go?
dad: Yes.
me: So have you brought it up?
dad: No.
me: Has she brought it up?
dad: She probably knows I don't want to go.
me: But you just said...
dad: I just don't want to go during Christmas.
me: why not?
dad: Because I want to be here.
me: Why?
dad: Because Christmas should be celebrated here.
me: Why?
dad: Because it just should.
me: I got that, but why should it?
dad: Because I want to be with all of my children.

Whoa... I never expected that one. I couldn't come back with a retort. I felt like he really cared about me. That moment alone was worth more than a beamer for Christmas. I gave him these big eyes.

dad: If she goes, all the other kids will too.
me: How far is it?
dad: 2 and 1/2 hour flight.
me: That's not far.
dad: No. Not really.
me: Fly on Christmas day.
dad: What?
me: Yea. I'll celebrate Christmas with you during the day, and then you can have the evening over there. That way you can spend Christmas with almost all of your kids.
him: I'll have to look into it. (gruffly he says) Thanks though... my son.
me: I love you dad. I know its your favorite holiday.
dad: Pause... It's not been that way these past few years.
me: Oh come on dad. I can't see a single Christmas decoration or hear a freagin jingle during winter without remembering how much you like this time of year.
dad: Well... things are changing. We haven't all been together in a very long time.
me: You never know... what the future will be like.
dad: You know your sister wants the flight money.
me: Okay.
dad: But on the condition that she won't see any of us.
me: Hmmm.... Got it.

We left, and my dad seemed to feel better. I felt bad for him. Ironically, it felt good to try and make him feel better. I was really surprised at my own reaction.