Addicted

to attention. They call us attention whores but I have thus far shrugged off the moniker thinking to myself that since I never outwardly show my desire for attention, or my enjoyment of it, then I do not qualify as one. If I don't get caught, then I'm not one of them.

But the secret is out. I woke up this morning with a gargantuan zit on the border of my upper lip. It is left of center. I never ever allow zits to develop, but I guess caveats always arise. I was sort of feeling like shit about it, until I threw my gym clothes on and showed up at the gym. Despite Rudolph's nose on my lip, I was apparently the center of attention. There's a feeling I now am beginning to recognize, especially around gay men. It's the feeling you get when you realize that the movements of everyone in the room are reacting to your movements. It's when you realize, that everyone is watching you. Well past the initial terror of being a novice, I can now just sit back and enjoy. I looked in the mirror. Gee... for some reason my skin, despite the zit, looked phenomenal. Same went for my hair and body. HAHAHA.... I felt like Captain Planet--u know the cartoon. Except that instead of earth, wind, fire, water, and heart--u have hair, eyes, skin, lips, and ass! And when our powers combine, I am captain planet!

Now for a little reality. I had told the Doc that I would call him at 4:30pm to confirm our plans for 7pm this evening. I lost track of time. He called me at 4:40 and said that he wanted to go over our plans for our 'date' tonight. I was honestly a little dumbstruck. Without admitting it to myself, I had inferred that we weren't dating. I see him on Manhunt all the time. I even complimented him on his new sexier pic. I log on only to see if he's on and to talk to him--honest:)

He sounded excited, and asked me if I liked Sushi. "I love sushi," I replied. "Great," he said, "then we can order in." Cool, I thought. Whoa... he's actually kind of interested. For a while now, I've been assuming that he doesn't like me, and that he only just wants me around as a fuck buddy. He treats me waaaaay better than my regular booty call, and so even though I am wanting to get to know the Doc for real, I've been thus far settling--settling just for being his booty call. It's better than nothing, and having a warm body caress you as he flexes and presses his warm muscles into me, cuts it, at least in some way. Every so often, he opens up, and says some stuff that seems meaningful to him.

We were watching another movie tonight. This time one that I had not seen but one that he had seen. Bad combination I suppose. It's primed for him to get bored and for me to sort of not really get into the movie. He was working on a sock-monkey while the movie played. Hilarious, I know.

I arrived 25 minutes late and I texted him ahead of time letting him know. When I showed up I didn't get my routine kiss and found it odd. Then again, he might have been scared by Rudolph's nose sitting on my lip.

We watched the movie and chit chatted here and there. I talk a lot during movies. He noticed. He was like, "Whoa, you like constantly chatter throughout a movie." "I'm sorry," I meowed. "No, no," he said, "it's just funny because they're your thoughts just out loud. You seem to be engage the movie, as if you were conversing with it. For me, watching a movie is just taking it in." I didn't know what to say. I mean, for this reason I'm constantly playing "catch-up" with movies, because I can never sit my ass down through the entire thing. I get bored very quickly.

We finished watching the movie, and we caressed here and there and even kissing a bit. I got hungry and noticed that the sushi never came up. So I went back to my car and brought back my meals. I had them there as back up. He seemed a little tiffed about that move. Well... I wasn't going to wait, and I mentioned that I would still be wanting to eat if he ordered the sushi. Nah, he said, his last protein shake seemed to have filled him up.

Before the movie ended he got a phone call. I heard him talking about a patient. He came back and restarted the movie. I laid my head on his taut tummy. I heard it make noises. He's just getting over a little food poisoning he experienced earlier this week, so I moved my head away, remember that his stomach might still be sensitive. When the movie was over, I laid back, and I asked him, "Sooo, how are you?"

"I'm good...." he answered somewhat confused. I didn't know what to say. I mean, usually when I throw out that question after people have greeted each other, they tend to take it to mean that I am actually asking them how they are. Shit... so I switched the conversation to the holidays. When was he leaving, how did he feel about that, etc. etc. It worked to some degree. He said that he still wasn't looking forward to the boring drive but that the friend who had flaked on him about going, and once again changed his mind and so now he would have company. "Somebody to talk to," he said.

Cool, I said. Yea, my family knows him, he added. I just swelled my eyes in the form of a question. He understood me and said, well, we used to date, so he's met my family. I was like, hmmm, unexpected. He's not your ex, I asked (he dated someone for over a decade). No, he said, this is since then. Oh, I thought. I just looked this guy up on Myspace. Damn... fucken hottie. Gorgeous eyes and wickedly sexy smile. Several exaggerated features on a somewhat kitty kat shaped face. We're not that unalike. He's only two years older than me too. Gee... I feel a little fungible.

As I laid my head on the Doc's lap and felt his huge boner underneath my ear, he said, I have to treat a patient at 10:30 tonight. Fuck, from where did this come? I turned and looked up at him, with the largest eyes I could make. "Oh," I said, with not to much of interrogative tone. "Yea," he said, and added a few other tasks he said he needed to do while at the hospital. Oh fuck. I just laid there, and then he said, "Which means I have to get up."

This is a test, this is only a test, of the emergency broadcast system. If there were really an emergency.... I swear I was waiting for him to say--haha, just kidding. But he wasn't. So I thanked him for the movie and wished him a happy holiday. He was walking out with me, so I figured he wasn't bluffing.

He again stated how much he hated going back to the little town from where he hails. I'm glad I don't have to go very far then, I said. Oh right, he said, if you get bored, you can just go to your room.

I stopped in my tracks at that one. I looked at him a little shocked. Was he calling me a kid? WTF?

I stared at him for a couple of seconds, and then, just said, well, I'm the only member in my family who speaks to everybody, so for me Xmas is not really one big gathering but instead a string of smaller get-togethers. Oh yea, he said, your parents are together no longer.

As we cleared the main door, I turned to him and we kissed. I expected it to be a peck, and so I made it that, but I noticed that he sort of lingered and was still in mid air with his lips when I had pulled away. Oops. I said, "Hope everything goes well at work." And then we parted.

I love that I experienced the gym right before my 'date'. I went from all this attention, to suddenly not having that much. It was sort of nuts. I tell myself, how many of these dudes at the gym would give their right arm for a shot at me. I see them try and try to talk to me, only to chicken out when a conversation even looks like a possibility in the horizon. And yet, in many ways, I wouldn't even care. If this guy were to be in reality, the way he was the first night we fucked, I think I'd feel like the richest man in the world. So what if he isn't so pretty. So what if he doesn't have the flashiest body. His way of being makes me feel at peace, his cock can't fit in my mouth, and his body get me hard just by it smell alone. I've entered the zone in between dating, fucking, and just being friends. I wonder the outcome:)