Time Capsules

do you ever wish you could write letters to the person you were crushing on at the moment? just because i know the chances of me being able to say what i wanted to him now would not be realistic, but nonetheless, what i have to say is still so worthwhile.

i remember the night i went out with the one dude with whom i fell in love. we were out in paris and he took me to his favorite restaurant. it was dark and candle lit. it was relatively quiet, and the tables were oddly enough spaced far apart.

his face is angelic. his cheeks are the most amazingly shaped and chiseled i have ever seen. his eyes are huge and orb like. he looked at me with his large angel eyes and told me, about everything he believed in and what his future goals were--not about careers or other non-sense but about how he expected to be happy. beyond specifics and more about the soul and what regardless of how things turned out, what the underlying blueprint for it all was.

i was shocked. not because we were having the conversation, but because i had literally thought all of this the first time we looked into each other's eyes for a prolonged period of time. i had seen all of that--in there, in his eyes. i somehow knew ALL of it. no articulation was necesary. none at all.

after that dinner. i said to him, you won't believe this. what? he asked. i replied, but i saw all of this in you 2 1/2 years ago. he got sort of perturbed looked away, and then sort of refused to want to understand what i had just said--or thought it was crazy and stupid.

today, i think a lot about Asian Boy... and i think about his incredible insecurities. today at the gym, he snarled at me. he's come close to it once or twice before, and it's usually about something i later come to figure he's very insecure.

i wish i could speak to all the insecurities in him--and quell them somehow. i'll try that in a subsequent post.