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I've made more realizations about New Boi since yesterday. We briefly hung out at a party the previous evening and what he said and his facial expressions completely solidified my interpretation of his caution of me and yet his interest in me. After all, who would send me the poem that he sent except for someone who wanted to be intimate?

Last night, I was so crestfallen that all I wanted was attention. This morning I went to a different branch of my gym--the one with all the older overly buff gay guys. I got stared at more than ever. The feeling of satisfaction I got from the stares really emphasized to me how much my very fragile ego depends on the power trip that comes from commanding the most carnal instincts of gay men.