I was also a little taken aback by the fact that one of the dudes in the trouple blocked me on Manhunt. This is also the only one in the trouple that has struggled w/ sharing his significant other. That smells like drama to me, and given how much attention they've gotten, it smells like semi-public drama. Hells no... [insert here Mary J. Blige song--No More Drama].
It is funny to me how I notice that I inspire in many significant others fear. At times it sort of just takes me by surprise. I'm not used to thinking of myself as a big deal. When I fell for the Lawyer however, and I suddenly was jealous of his BF, I remember comparing myself to his bf in my head. Only at that point, did the realization that I could be a threat dawn on me. I had a better body than the BF. I had a more attractive face. I was more intelligent. I was more well-rounded.... I even had more in common with the Lawyer dude. Suddenly, I thought--SHIT, if I were the BF, I would fucken kill me.
Ironically, it was the BF who was MOST aggressive about bringing me into their sex-life. In fact, it was he who was all about jumping my bones. The other irony is that the lawyer never felt threatened. EVER. Arguably, he should have. He's about seven years older. Lost most of his hair, and he's dorky. True he has a rocking body, and if you take the time to look past his glasses, he has gorgeous eyes and a chiseled face. But still. He's not dramatic or strikingly attractive. And yet, he was NEVER EVER jealous for the BF. I could construe that as him not caring about whether he lost his BF or not, or as him being uberly secure. Given that he acted insecure around me about his body and his looks at time, perhaps he just felt that he was hot enough to keep his BF, i.e. that he was overall a good enough package that the BF would never leave him.
This brings me to my next topic.
So after my last conversation with the Lawyer, I realized they were out of town this weekend. They have a vacation home to which they escape to as often as possible, i.e. every other weekend, which is not as bad as my gay parents who leave the city EVERY weekend.
My diet has been really kicking in these past couple of weeks. I'm as lithe as can be. Given that I've also decided to dedicate myself to my pecs again, I look quite 3D.
I was stretching my ass out at the gym last night (literally). When the Lawyer walks up next to me, about 3 yards away from me. He looks right at me, stops, and waves. I wasn't expecting to see him. He was supposed to be out of town. So he caught me by surprise.
I burst into a HUGE grin. I so miss him. I miss him SO much. It is really pathetic. His warmth. His care for me. His gentleness and yet his understated intellectual power and physical strength. Gawd--what I wouldn't give for someone like him.
I want him to bang me so bad.
He stopped. He smiled big at me too. He hesitated. Leaned towards me, and then stopped. Then he turned and walked away, towards the weights. I figured that his BF must be here. And... I was right.
It's the first appearance the BF has made since the dramatic dinner. The Lawyer started pushing some weights around, and the BF was putting in a strenuous workout.
He didn't look good today. The BF that is. I suddenly had this critical approach to him. He was doing a cable pull down when I had to go by him.
I honestly felt happy to see him. It makes no sense does it?
I mean, when he's a bitch he's a bitch. But when he's happy and with the Lawyer, seriously, they are like the cutest odd-ball couple in the whole world.
I could NOT but burst into a huge smile when I saw him too. He did the same and waived at me profusely like a school girl. It was soooo gay and yet so cute. But last time this happened, he didn't want to talk with me. The worst is to want to have a conversation with someone and then have that person not want to talk to you.
As I passed the BF, his shirt rode up, and I could see that his stomach was pudgy. Ooooh I thought to myself. This guy is not a muscular dude. His selling pt is that he is ultra ripped. But now he is not??? Ouch. I'm an asshole. Seriously. WTF is wrong w/ me?
I could feel the Lawyer's eyes on me. I knew that this was the first time since I told him I had really fallen for him that all 3 of us were in the same room. And yes. He was looking right at us. I didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me wince.
So I just went on to do my stupid squats. As I got ready to squat on my ass, I noticed that my hair was cooperating with me. I might actually look good tonight I thought. I'm trying out this new sunless bronzer thing too, and it also seemed to be working for me.
I blasted the music on my ipod. I just didn't want to be in this awkward position. I wanted him so badly. I could have walked right over there and just proceeded to do scandalous things to him.
He was not far from where I was doing squats. I was doing them deep too, and with lots of weight.
I caught him staring at me several times. But he was quick to look away. He probably caught me on a couple of occasions too.
About 1/2 way thru my squats, the BF went over to the Lawyer. The BF was smiling a lot, in a devilish way, and using a lot of hand motions in whatever he was saying to him. As the BF was telling stuff to the Lawyer, the Lawyer also smiled in a devilish way, and shot me a glare. In an odd way, the Lawyer seemed nervous, despite his devilish smile. It was something about his posture that gave it away to me. When he gets nervous he hunches over in this particular way.
I was seeing all this thru my peripheral vision, so I did not have to react to him. The Lawyer said some stuff and then the BF walked away to the lockerroom and didn't say good bye to me.
I saw the Lawyer check me out a couple of times. He awkwardly walked around the gym. Then he pretended to look for his BF, in a way that seemed kind of overly dramatized--i.e. sticking his head out as if to look for his BF, when all he needed to do in the damn fucken gymwas to scan the place. Plus, it was obvious from his conversation with his BF that he must have known that the BF proceeded directly to the locker room. After he was done "looking", the Lawyer walked towards the lockerroom.
What were they talking about?
Well, the logical and sane interpretation is that they were discussing their dinner plans for a wonderful Saturday evening. Probably figuring out which awesome restaurant they were going to sample that night.
The fun and dramatic interpretation was that the BF was saying that they should bring me home tonight. The Lawyer probably wanted to as well, but felt somewhat conflicted given my confession of affection for him alone. He probably knew that if he allowed the BF to make the approach, I would be placed in an unusually and horrifically awkward position. He might have told the BF, okay, we'll ask him, but let me do the talking. In doing so, perhaps the Lawyer sought to insulate me. He would give an excuse to the BF that would make sense--e.g. he said he has a bunch of homework to do this weekend and he's totally exhausted, or he has a date already for tonight. In this way, I would be spared an awkward moment (as would the Lawyer), and I would save face with the BF.
Would I have fucked both of them just so that I could have fucked the Lawyer?
Hell yea. But damn. It would have been so painful. It would have torn my soul asunder even as my flesh delighted in the act. It would have also been horrifically obvious to the BF. I would not have been able to treat them equally in bed.
It was a perfect evening for it though. All 3 of us were there at the gym on a late Saturday night. Obviously none of us had any real plans.
As I read about this other trouple that I have written off, I thought--Damn, it would be perfect w/ me, the Lawyer, and the BF. Could I pull it off? Would the BF not freak out? Could I assure him that as much as I, *gulp* love the Lawyer, I could never honestly say that I would be at his side into his elderly years? Could he buy that as an assurance that I would not try and steal his man?
It is worth a try. Now to see if my fucken brain can conjure up, i.e. engineer the whole thing.
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