What am I doing? Cease and Desist

Today was different w/ Geekman. He's a softie at heart.

I didn't write much about last night. But there were so many 'moments,' in many of which we seem to just see eye-2-eye on lots of issues that most people don't simultaneously--i.e., we're both pragmatic assholes and hopeless romantics.

His BF called in the midst of our chit chat. They were so emo over the phone. Hilarious. So, I brought it up. He said he's only that way with his BFs ever. Interesting, I remember one time he used that tone with me. The instance stuck out to me b/c I knew it to be a dramatic oddity in his way of speaking.

After we finished, as we parted, he said, "Thanks for asking me out." That was awkward, so he followed it up with, "... to hang out." It was kind of weird. I mean I tell people, "Thanks for hanging out," but I guess his choice of words were just interesting.

Today, he was different. Less angry looking. I invited him to tea with me and another friend, mostly b/c he overheard us planning our little excursion, and looked at the tea he had with him, and said, "It's okay, I'd feel ridiculous walking in with my own tea." He seemed so uncomfortable in saying that to me. I doubt he expected me to extend the invite.

One theme throughout the conversation was that he gets hit on a lot. I'm not the only who thinks he's a cuttie. Also, he seems to never be without a boyfriend. Ever since he came out, which was in his mid-teens.

At a later point in the conversation, he noted that I seemed to be rather confident. "Of what??" I asked. "That u're bright and attractive and that you'll get somewhere in life," he said.

Why not I thought and later said. To not be confident is to be dubious about something that largely only matters in terms of perception. And if others perceive you that way, even if you do not, to question it negatively is to epitomize a form of narcissm. He didn't totally swallow that, arguing that no one should think in terms of social hiearchies. Oh well, people do.

He opened up to me a great deal. Told me about his deepest insecurities and why he likes talking about how he gets hit on a lot... basically b/c he was so obese as a child, that I'm surprised he survived. Now he's tall, slim, and fucken cute. I didn't expect him to divulge that information... he got real. He also mentioned why he gained weight: his parents' divorce. He was hitting all my buttons.

He tried flirting with me more than once during the evening. But each time, it was so surprising to me, that I didn't know what to say, and so the moment would pass.

He's my fucken year, and he sits next to me in almost every single class. I can't go there... And yet, he seems to fall in the category of best friend I can crush on, make out with, probably not fuck, and not ever date for a long period of time. I really do like him though... alot. I'm not kidding when I think he could be a BFF.