My Disease

Sounds so negative but its not.

I realize I always have to have a crush on someone, and I like to have someone around who has a crush on me.

What are relationships??? Why do people structure them a certain way?

To fulfill needs.

The incredible hottie at my gym, who I call God, b/c he is flawless, NEVER works out alone. EVER. He workouts out with one of two guys, who BTW, carry his sweater for him! Both are much shorter than him--smaller in build, but both are in great shape and have gorgeous to stunning faces. Hmm... I wonder how he structures his social relationships.

Deter has been MIA and his replacement in my universe has been Geekman, that uber nerdy, super awkward law student who I *think* tried to ask me out my first week here. He's happily and long-term in a relationship, so well out of my reach.

He's really fucken cute, in a very very geeky way. But nonetheless, very cute.

I've had a feeling he's been into me for a while now. The first few times I met him, I *often* caught him blatantly staring at me. However, his stares didn't connote necessarily interest. They could've been sheer social awkwardness or just coincidences--u know like he was just staring into space and it just happen to be in my direction.

He sits one seat down from me in every single class. We're both gunners that don't raise our hands. But---today, the girl who sits in between us, in EVERY single class as well, wasn't here.


So whenever the vocal ones in class would say stupid shit, which occurs quite frequently, I would lookover at Geekman and smirk. I noticed that his gaze would linger on me. So I decided to test him.

Testing involved a very slight change of attitude. More fun, slightly but not clearly flirtations, and an openness that invites the other person to do more than they necessarily might have. That usually just means being a little more vivacious and expressing a *little* more ambiguous interest in the other person. Body language is everything.

So, the next time someone spoke up, I smirked at him again, a little broader, and widened my eyes a bit more while arching my eyebrows more as well.

Step one worked. He sensed my greater engagement and responded in kind. I also increased the intensity of my gaze.

Now for the test.

I allowed my gaze to linger ambiguously longer and then moved my eyes away from him more slowly, keeping him peripheral vision.

He was allowed therefore to keep staring at me without feeling uncomfortable (b/c he's not staring into my eyes) and yet he could study my gaze in order to satiate his possible curiousity as to my slight change in demeanor.

Usually, only if, he were actually into me, would he pick up on the subtle change AND actually care enough about it to follow up on.

He stared, and stared, and stared... and though I couldn't look straight into his eyes, characterizing his stare as very curious wouldn't take much imagination.

So we IMed tonight for like fucken 3 hours.

His concerns? That's he's not all that popular amongst the gays.

OOooof... don't talk to me about that. I regularly turn down invites every night. When the chair of the gay group threw his little exclusive b-day party, he invited very few folks from our law school, and even fewer first years, and yes, I did nab the invite. But Geekman, and slew of others who know this guy well--did not.

Geekman brought it up, and I did defend the issue well... but it just reinforced that social selectivity can be an unfair and annoying bitch.

I went outside and met Ethan for a smoke. The only attractive guy in my class walks past us, recognizes us, and starts talking to me.


WTF???

He even asks my permission to take a phone call and says that he'll resume our conversation shortly.

The guy is pretty hot with a very very cute face and though his build is slight, he's ripped and has a few muscles that are huge and really pop. He wears muscle tees often, so he knows the deal.

He just randomly decided to talk me and Ethan up, and just when I thought we had nothing in common, turns out that one of this guy's best friends is gay.

Well--there u go. We had fodder for ages... and we talked well into the evening.