Morning & Texting

This morning was a little tougher than others. It took me a while but then I realized--my law school admissions roll is over and my bubble is burst. I took it in for a few minutes... and then came back to my senses, and then I thought, "Should I stop for anything? Honestly?"

I keep trying to box myself in. If I don't go to a top 3 school--well, then, I'll never be President because all presidents have gone to such schools. Bullshit. The dumbest presidents have come from those schools too! Why can't I be the first?

There's nothing holding me back from changing history. There's nothing holding me back from defining my own future. Myths and superstitions abound. Had I paid attention to them--I would never have EVEN APPLIED! But look, here I am living what I thought was an impossible dream because I went for it.

So, I'm not stopping now. I will continue to go for it---over and over and over again. I will continue to live the miracles of a loser, for popular opinion is reality only until someone comes through and upsets the status quo.

I've run hard hills three days in a row prior to this morning. I'm not supposed to run them more than three days in a row without doing a day on the treadmill or in the pool. Whatever. I did a fourth day, and ran the fastest hills all week.

Now, getting off the Tony Robbins soap box...

1L has been radically different since my visit. His IMing is more engaging, and he's made it a point to say that he talks to no one as long as he talks to me.

I can see that. I do talk to him an inordinate amount of time. It's odd for a day to go by without some sort of text, IM, or phone conversation. Tonight he texted me that his friends want to meet me. I texted back--what did u say to them?!?

He responded, "I'll tell you later when we talk."

So I called him right there and then. He didn't pick up. He texted, "I'm in a noisy bar." Two minutes later he texts, "I'm also a bit drunk ;)" I wrote back, "Now I'm REALLY curious."

He texted, "Now I'm blushing."

I just texted back laughter, to which he replied, "Do you know that I always smile when I talk to you?"

That killed me. It really really killed me.

I got hard and this cold sinking feeling in my stomach all at the same time. You know, like you got away with something, but not really?

If he's really into me now, then I'm not. I like him A LOT. He makes me laugh and he even makes me feel accepted--perhaps even loved.

But I can't get into him physically. I mean, he can get me hard with the things he says. But is that enough?

Could I be monogamous on that basis?

I don't think so.

Could I be polygamous?

I want to believe so.

But probably not. I want the hottie genius. The witty, big-hearted, model good looking, everything and a bag of FUCKEN chips. That sounds so childish.

So I'll play along. I can get into 1L. I love him. No doubt. If I let myself, I wonder if I can fall into romantic love with him.