Hallow's Eve

What a crazy holiday, no?

Everything has been crazy... the gays have officially been scattered. Work will do that to you and oddly enough, none of us have classes with each other.

Indeed, there is an us. Ethan 'created' us I suppose. Its all part of his philosophy of having hot gay friends. I want to say its a gay universal philosophy but that's not quite true. Nevertheless, Ethan seeks us out, gives us priority when inviting folks to cool events, and even started a facebook group.

Who are we? Well, I can't tell you our official name, otherwise my anonymity would be gone as fast as google runs a search, but essentially Ethan gathered up the 'hottest' 1L gay boys in the class. There are four of us. I thought there were just 3, because I thought the 4th boi was not hot. However, my new fag hag, I'll her Ralp Polo Lesbian Girl--or RP for short (because she chooses to dresses strictly like a preppy boy from Polo ads)--thought that the 4th guy was actually really hot, and since she's really totally honest around me, I take her word for it, even if I can't quite see the hotness in him.

Ethan used to live in this city a few years ago, so he knows everything and everybody. He's quite a hottie, social, and sophisticated--so his connections have survived the years and often gets us into all the hot non-lawschool party and events.

The other guy in our group, Two, whom I wrote about here, is gorgeous--he has soft brown hair, gorgeous sky blue eyes, amazing eyebrows, chiseled cheeks, and a fantastic smile. He's one of the VERY few gay boys I know who has really gay mannerisms that do not bother me. Why can he be fem without bugging me? Because unlike most gay men, whether fem or butch, he seems totally unselfconscious. Its gorgeous. Its a TOTALLY gorgeous quality about him.

(he actually does bear a resemblance to the guy in this pic...)

Geezz.. this post is going to become all about two.

I thought Two was hot from the getgo, but I just thought to myself, I must not be his type. He paid me no heed the first time we met, and even from the few times we first spoke--1--we didn't have much to talk about, and 2--he never seemed very open or comfortable around me. Tru, in retrospect, the vast majority of people do not, but still, it just sucked.

So I just ignored him, and honestly, for the most part, I thought he looked down on me. Ethan is my 'superficial' friend--the guy to whom I gush about hot boys and talk about vanity and basically basque in how diva we both are. Unfortunately, Ethan is a telegraphing service that operates at texting speed. So, I assumed that Two must think I'm just the snobbiest airhead he's ever met.
However, there have been a few incidents that have raised the question of what the deal is really with Two.
The first time was after the three of us had hung out, we were coming back from some window shopping, and we were all heading into the law school's main building but at different floors. Ethan got out first, and then it was just me and Two. He was super awkward, and I was super surprised by it. Of course, I got awkward. I didn't realize how awkward he was until the elevator opened for his floor, and instead of breaking the awkwardness with a perfunctory, "See you later", he bolted out, looked visibly nervous, and said a barely audible muffled "see ya", and waved.

I was of course left stunned in the elevator, thinking, WTF just happened?

But nothing came of it...

The second oddity occured after Ethan began thinking I was like Mr. Love Advice and invited me over to his place for lunch and to spill the beans on all his insecurities. That same day he mentioned what all the boys in our group went for... that is, our "types." Well, to my surprise, apparently a bunch of them went for the "type" or category into which I fall. I remember the expression on Ethan's face, like he was confused and yet nervous to tell me something that he seemed to think that I should already know.

He never said I was this type, but it was obvious. I was clearly surprised and I just said, "Really?" in a very skeptical tone. "Yea," he said, almost stunned, "you didn't know?"

"No! I don't know people's types!" I said as if that should've been obvious.

A few days later I see two walking through the halls of the school. But unlike previous times where he usually does that girly waive of his, he just looked at me, inclined his head, and seducitvely winked at me.

I could've come right there and then, I mean the kid has some of the hottest eyes, eyebrows, cheeks, and smiles possible. I was floored, but I covered it up, smiled back and went about my business.

Finally, I've been noticing recently, that Two avoids me. It becomes extremely obvious when Ethan is around. Its insane. Its as if Two changes to a different color, not literally, but its that obvious and drastic a change that comes over his demeanor.

Over IM, I try to chum up to Two, but usually, he doesn't even respond!

Most recently, Two has severed himself from our group. Today we had a pre-halloween party. Two ingored Ethan's invitations, and of course we saw him there, but he barely acknowledged us, and totally ignored me. I saw him later in the evening, and I leaned over to compliment his costume. He seemd to want to say something when he saw me. U know how people sort of take a deep breath in because they are about to speak loudly over the music. He heard what I had to say, and then didn't say a thing. He barely even smiled. He just sort of held eye contact for a while. I get to queezy around him so I just left.


None of these things would matter if over the course of the semester Two's interests have grown on me. He's militant about gay rights. In fact, I told him that my nickname for him would be "Captain," to which he said, "I think it fits me." In fact, Two wants to go straight into non-profit... doesn't even want to do corporate for a bit... how fucken sexy is THAT?!?! Yum :p

But... Fuck man... am I wasting my efforts?

Sometimes I think, man I have all the luck. Today at the Halloween party, all the gay boys were talking together, when the subject of the gym came up. There's only one other gay boy who goes to my gym and we eventually started talking about how hot the guys were. "It's easily half the reason why I go," he said. "And the trainers are SOOO hot," I retorted. "OOOOOH! Don't even get me started on the trainers!" he drew in a breath and leaned in close to me, and said, "There's one in particular who sometimes wears glasses... he's about this tall... and whenever he's around... Woooof! I just lose it! There's just no way I can handle it!"


I was just sort of stunned and smiled. Geee... I guess I wasn't the only one who thought he was super hot... Its the same guy who's waaaay into me for me to be able to talk to him.

I've seen him around the past couple days more so than usual. Fuck... he gets to me. He's not just hot. He's cute, not just physically, but in his mannerisms.

Today, he was working out with a client right in front of me. He smirked and looked over at me. AAaaaack... I could've killed myself right there and then.

Why do I fall for these guys, work my ass off to get their attention, and then freak out when I get it? Am I so scared that it won't work out? That the let down is even worst than the sheer possibility itself?

I think to myself, well, look what happened with Superboi. But if I think that way all the time, will I ever get anyone worth getting?