Such a Snob

I'm a huge snob... I really really am. Its disgusting and its starting to get to me. I've always been a snob.... But maybe now, its different when I'm a grown up and there's easy and effective means to back up and enforce the snobbery.

The older I get the more defined my life gets. Law school is extremely defined. U have leagues w/in leagues. MG1 (most gorgeous 1, dude I fell in love with in college) didn't go to a T14 (top 14, the only law schools that can guarantee their grads a job upon graduation regardless of class rank). Though we're both in law school, we don't have the same concerns. He's super stressed about his class ranking. For me, it won't really matter. He won't work at a large firm upon graduation. I'll get to pick my firm. He's worried about jobs in the economy. The firms to which I'm applying are still expanding in other global markets.

Everyone I talk to here knows they'll be rich and governing an important aspect of the world. It's implicit in our conversation and the assumptions that underlie them. We're all overly analytical and make inside legal jokes.

Even w/in the law school, I'm odd in that I workout at an off-campus gym. I go to this crazy gym where most of the guys are ripped and gorgeous and either fairly affluent or have serious sugar daddies. Many my age are models and many slightly older than me wear the paraphernalia of their super-ranked schools--from boarding to professional school.

In contrast, undergrad was sooo different. I knew people from all walks of life. Many of my closest friends--Ring Girl, the Teacher, and Asian Girl--were not from my social "bracket." Now, well tonight, I had a perturbing conversation with Teacher, and I know our friendship won't be the same.

She tried to tell me about what was going on in her life, and then, it was all summed up in that she was stressed and overwhelmed about work. But she doesn't have a lot of work. She knows this b/c she went to undergrad with me. We know what a lot of work is. She's just lowered her standard.

And now, well for me, a ton of work is--ROUTINE. I questioned deeper. R u afraid u won't get it done? Of course not. She's just bitching. The conversation fell flat. It was awful. We also couldn't pick up conversation b/c well.... slowly, she's come to realize she doesn't know that much about my life anymore. She doesn't now who the players in my life are. It's now too far removed. This little world of mine now... is such a bubble. She tried to apologize for not making time for me lately, but that's not the case. What I talk about is just no longer relevant to her. There's no reason for it to be memorable or of interest to her. And frankly, the same goes for her life. She's worried about dating guys who don't have careers. That's not really an issue for me.

I thought about calling Bef a few days ago (my BFF and former fag hag from my days of youth), but I couldn't bring myself to it. Just 11 months ago, we were partying it up for Thanksgiving--inseparable like the Old Days. Now, I can't even stand a conversation with her. Why? Because usually she's complaining about money (her brand-name parents kicked her out of their home, oddly enough around the time she came out, and Beff with no real life experience just had a brusing time adjusting) and usually has no interesting topics to discuss. We can't talk about politics or the economy really. We can't talk about boys anymore. I know this is natural, but its just awkward when my WHOLE freakin' life is just shifting and transforming itself at SUCH a RAPID pace. Goddamn.
Sorry to write about such sappy shit. It's just that no one in real life would want to hear about this shit.