I just looked at how infrequently I post. So I'll just do a recap.
Things are unsettled, yet familiar and awesome.
I love where my life is right now. I love my apartment, my gym, my walks everday, my school, and now, even my classmates. They are some incredible people.
Awkward as hell, and hilarious in that right, confused often, and too a large extent clueless--but damn, they are BRILLIANT, and soooo comfortable in their own skins as the dorky and nerdy contingent of the world.
That's a part of me that has gone a very long time w/o expression. While my entire education since I was 9 has played itself out in 'rank' schools, I have mostly gone to schools where in addition to intellect, the social scene required 'coolness'. So though I always felt behind in the cool factor, I arrive at law school and many seem to think I'm very cool--u know, in the dumb, unsubstantive, prejudiced sort of way.
Yea, no joke. I learned the walk, the dress, the demeanor, the habits, and expectations of 'cool.'
This weekend I ironically had a funny epiphany--not in an intellectual way, but just at a deeper level I realized--being cool is not intrinsically valuable. I can be cool and lead the coolest life. I can have those around me 'envy' their perception of me. But in no way shape or form does that have an actual impact on my psychological happiness. I mean, how retarded would it be for me to get a kick out of knowing that many of those around me think they would want to be me? Yet, I've been pursuing that so hard for so long. U know, social approval.
So it makes no sense.
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