Too fast once again...

Life is moving at such an insane pace these days... Super Boi asked me to take him to my favorite restaurant. So of course I named the place and asked him when he wanted to go... He hasn't responded to that e-mail and its been a week now. I don't know what I'm supposed to think about shit like that...

He seems to be really into me--giving me a freakin' month pass to his gym and smirking about it when I thanked him, and smirking when I suggest something involving coming to his place. And he likes teasing me...

He seems to respond to e-mail slow, but to text pretty quick--usually almost right away. I guess he's a texter...

At school, I seem to be like the alter ego of my high school self--Mr. Popular. I keep having to turn down invitations--to the gym, brunch, dinner, lunch, parties, etc. People in class seem to like me and even seem to like me speaking up. Wierd =) But I love it. I mean I really do.

I'm dying of insecurities inside. I have to consciously tell myself everyday that its not that he doesn't like me, its not that I'm not good enough, maybe he's just being careful, and u're only careful if u're not looking to just fool around. I also realize--it just might not be about me.

Ethan now thinks that I'm like the guy-guru. He called me into his office, ahem, I mean his studio and sat me down for lunch, where he confessed to me his socializing and men-attracting strategies. These seem to center around having hot friends and having that aspect of life do the work for you. How in reality he's terrified of being in a relationship where he's more into the guy than the guy is into him. How he refuses to enter into such relationships and actively avoids such guys who wouldn't be more into him than he is into them. Good grief... It's funny b/c right now, that's how I think it is with me Super Boi--I'm definitely the one who's totally into him... and I plan on admitting that fact next time we get together... cuz u know what, I really don't care that I'm more into him. I mean I care that he be into me, but I don't care if knows that there is inequality.

Ethan came to the gym with me yesterday.... HILARIOUS. He's such a fucken cutie though. Hot as can fucken be with a tight body to boot... I really like him. I'm over him now. It seems retarded since I'm only over him b/c Super Boi is SOOO much hotter. But then again, Ethan only opened up to me since he saw me and Super Boi together at the event that kicked off our 3rd date.

After getting to know both Super Boi and Ethan I realize that no matter how hot a guy can be--he might still be crippled and riddled by insecurities. Earlier this week, the Lord was at my gym. He's about 6'4" and is perfect in every way from head to ass to toe. And when catching myself being intimidated by him, even though he checked me out, I corrected my thinking, changing it from, "Am I good enough?" to "Is he confident?"

Wow, it seems that asking for a boyfriend who is truly confident is a far higher standard that simply asking for a boyfriend who's gorgeous. Of course, I just as quickly realized--damn, I'm a hypocrite.