It is crazy how I can make myself feel so isolated. This past weekend Ethan came into town. Yes--he left the law school and is pursuing other opportunities on the opposite coast. It's good for him since it is what he has always wanted to do.
Here's how I ended up hanging out w/ Ethan. I ran into a random guy I met once in undergrad. This guy had been out at my university. We both led student groups and had met that way. I remember not thinking much of him the first time I met him but I do remember noticing that his clothes seemed to hide a very hot body. He seemed very nice as well and calmly passionate about his cause. Despite not finding his face particularly attractive, I wanted to get to know him.
A few weeks later, I ran into him on campus. I said Hi and asked his name. He told me and said he remembered me. As we departed, he gave me this smile, that enveloped his eyes. I remember I was struck by the way he smiled at me. His eyes became extremely expressive and beautiful, and piercing. His smile seemed also very knowing. This expression contrasted the aloofness of our conversation. I was not out at the time I wondered if he knew. He probably did. For the following two years I saw him all the time at the gym. I was right. He had an incredibly sexually-hot shaped body. YUM. His hotness was a function of his body's inherent shape more so than its tone or muscularity; but it was by no means less stimulating.
One time he tried to say hi to me at the gym, but by then I had realized that he was quite gay and hung out with lots of girls. I didn't want the issue to arise. I was not just in the closet, but clinging to the closet's most inner walls. I was attracted to him as well so he could very easily tell after that gym sighting that I was into him. At that time, I only wanted to befriend other closeted hot gays.
So I ran into him earlier this week and I decided to be nice. Not just because he's hot--afterall I last heard that he was in a great relationship. I did so b/c I realized he was also a law student and that I should probably be on good terms w/ him. We remembered each other and when I told him the name of my law school, he asked if I knew Ethan. I told him we were good friends and he texted Ethan on the spot as he told me that the kid was in town. When we departed, he smiled at me in the exact same way! EXACTLY. Again, it contrasted severely with his initial greeting of me and our conversation. At that point however, where we met, made it obvious that I was now out and indeed gay.
Within an hour Ethan was heading over to meet me and invited me to hang out with his new found friends. It was a blast to see him. I had seen him recently but I had largely ignored him b/c well... I didn't really miss him. But recently, having been so alone, I realized that he largely orchestrated my social life.
This past weekend proved my hypothesis. He took me to party after party after party and to get-together after get together. He managed to get Two to come along as well and there again the old clique re-united. I noticed how Ethan reacted to Two, and then I realized, he most certainly has a crush on him too. Two did not react to him in the same way. Two towards the end of the Spring semester sought to distance himself from our clique. I guess he stood by that decision even now. But Ethan didn't care and showered Two with attention and glee.
Two and I serve on the LGBT board this semester. We've been quite awkward around each other. At times ignoring the other intensely, and at other times finding it irresistible to stare at the other. These various reactions have never coincided--alas.
True to his spirit, Ethan assembled another clique of hotties. There we all were at one point sitting at a table of a large reception. Six men--all by most standards in some way distinctly attractive. At first this included my little acquaintance from under-grad but he eventually was scared away as one of the others in a very effeminate way started to obsess in making conversation with him. On several occasions my acquaintance would look at me as if just shocked by the approach of this other guy. Later in the conversation, this other guy began to switch on an off between obsessing with him and then me. But soon there after, my acquaintance excused himself and left. Later I saw him with another group of friends who were not all pretty boys, but who were all "dude" gays--i.e., they all dressed in no way flamboyant and they seemed to rarely talk rather than just nod at infrequent comments that one of them would make.
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