If I don't make this concerted effort, I naturally find myself not talking to anyone for days on end. Eventually it catches up to me, and I realize, as part of a social species, I need a conversation or two. However, guess what?
Many of my friends are the same way. I must "schedule" conversations with them. Without a regular rhythm, it usually takes a few days to get a slot with them. After all, most of my friends are little go-getters too. Prepping for GRE's, LSATs, or dealing with the insane job market.
Thank goodness for this blog right?!
Well, back to the boy of the moment. The "Someone" perhaps.
Yes, as I have become acutely aware of my "alone-ness" (not to be confused with "loneliness"), I have thought about him throughout the long weekend.
I could have concocted an excuse to hang out with him. I might have even decided to just go ahead and ask him out.
So why have I not done so?
Ahem--My Excuses.
Excuse #1: Well, you see. I'm on the board of the LGBT group here. I don't want to pressure this impressionable lad and make this haven of homosexuality a pressured environment. I mean--the last year's chair had a crush on me and I felt like I was walking on egg-shells at events whenever I had to protect his ego, carefully watching how I characterized my attractions in conversation.
Truth be told, the New Boy (what I will call him from now on) is actually older than me. I managed to check his facebook profile before he set it to ULTRA-private during this first week of school.
Excuse #2: I don't really know if he was into me that first time we chatted. I mean--what if it was all in my head?
Truth be told, yea, that's a possibility but certainly there are ways to approach someone without coming across as creepy.
Excuse #3: I'm brash, bold, and confident relative to law school students. If regular confident social folk find me intimidating, god forbid a quarky and dorky law school student.
Truth be told, okay, true. But I could have engineered some non-confrontational approach to asking the kid out. I do have the ability to be smooth, on occasion.
So what's the deal with me?
I'm waiting. I don't know if he's taken, though he seems not to be. Also, my damn fucken emotions have yet to digest the whole lawyer non-sense. Not that I will let that stop me in the end.
I saw the New Boy last Friday, before the long day weekend. I was shuffling out of a class and he was coming into it. However, just before he came into my view, someone else I knew waived at me from a distance and I turned to smile and say hi. At that moment, he passed me. I only realized later that it was him b/c i saw him out of the corner of my eye slightly turn as he passed me. I recognized him from his backside. I hope he realized that I had not seen him till after he passed me. I was late to a meeting :(
Then today, I went to a group mixer and he was there. Tons of others I knew were in attendance. I had people in my face two steps into the room, and I didn't want to be super forward in going up to him and saying hi. Plus, he was talking to some really fucken hot guy. There are very few hot guys in law school. For all I know, he has a boyfriend, or he's interested in someone else. The sign up sheet for this group was behind him. After saying hi to a few more people and gracefully avoiding some longer conversations, I went up to sign up. I slowly wrote my information down, hoping he'd turn around. He did, except he turned even more so away from me!
So then I went and chatted for a while with a fellow board member. As I was doing so, I was facing one of the the doors. The really hot guy left. Five minutes later, the board member to whom I was talking got an appetizer and resumed talking to me on my opposite side. So I was facing a different door. Several minutes later, the New Boy walked out. As he did so, I saw that he saw me. His motion to the door did not require him to have seen me. He must have been looking in my direction for some reason or another. But he saw me, see him. He was moving quickly and so did not react but instead kept charging forward to the door. As he pulled it, he must have sensed my eyes on him. I knew he had not had time to react, so I kept looking at him, to see if he would turn around.
He paused, and turned back to look at me. I thought he'd smile, in his cheery usual self. Instead, I was surprised. He looked pretty awfully troubled as he weakly nodded at me. I was smiling at him and then waived, as if hoping that he would approach me. He slowly turned back and walked out.
Why the long face on him? I wonder. I really wonder wonder.
Later this week we have a ton of activities in which there are only a few folks signed up. He's among them. So I should have lots of time to interact w/ him. I wanted to friend him on facebook today, but I thought--that would be a bit obvious. I should have at least a second conversation with him before I start stalking him.
I should take it slow. Just for the sake of it. I did feel a bit overwhelmed when I got facebooked after only being introduced to folks over e-mail for crying out loud. Yes these introductions are artificial. But I will at least endeavor to give them a hint of authenticity.
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