I've changed my schedule--so as not to run into AB. I'm having a hard time not caring. I only get glimpses of how he has swallowed his words, not said what he wants to say, dropped his gaurd allowing me to see his more real expression of longing, desire, neediness--the vulnerability.
I have struggled today to maintain the schedule. To some degree I am just experimenting with my workout routine. But still, doing so hurts--whether its my ambition or my care, I don't know yet.
I had to just tell myself that he DOES NOT care. Don't know if that's true however. There's no way to even know if he has tried to go at different times during the past several days. Chances of him showing that on his face next time he sees me are slim.
I decided a few days back that he needed to get downgraded from goal to flirty friend. The move should've been obvious, but its not been an easy one. Argh.
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