I found out today that I'm not a groomsman in one of my closest friend's wedding. I saw this coming becuase he avoided the topic in the past. He has a lot of very close friends with whom he grew up. Stiff competition--I couldn't be bothered by that fact.
What did bother me was finding out that essentially they have a whole different set of activities scheduled for that weekend. I've been a groomsman before and I don't recall this part of the game. The exclusion part felt bad. My friend can be oddly aloof about certain issues. I can see this one being among them.
Perhaps what felt wrong was considering someone to be a closer friend than they consider me. Such is the case for two reasons.
1. Often I have felt that 99.99% of friendships are based on the meeting of a need. If the need is no longer met, then the friendship dies. Out of sight, out of mind. Seldom do people seem to value each other for their personal constitution and remain in touch for such reasons. Can someone appreciate something in someone else for which they have no need? Can someone just inquire or talk with someone to see how they are as opposed to get something out of the conversation?
I used to be a huge proponent and advocate of sheer pragmatism. All was about the correct exchanges of needs. Interpersonal relationships were like
2.
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