Dinners

So tonight I sort of had this impromptu outing with a girl from the Zen Buddhist group. We watched a thought provoking film and discussed. Then most people left and she suggested we go get coffee and keep talking. She's interesting and upbeat so I was like, Why not?

I told her about half my life story and I got the story of several major turning points in her life. She kept blurting out--Are we the same person??? Apparently, we are very alike.

I was happy to meet someone who is a lot like me. It happens rarely. Still---argh, I hate this about me--she wasn't aware of all the differences. I didn't tell her I was into guys. She knew I was keeping something big from her, but she just didn't seem to get it either. I felt a crush coming on, and I should've said something. I should be better at deflection by now. We were different in how we approached a lot of other things too. Not just orientation, but sexual license in general.

I've met before people like me and her. I was open about my drug use which should've tipped her off a little more.

We talked for a while, I gave her a ride to her place, etc., etc., etc.

Subsequently, I went out with a co-worker for dinner. I sort of hesitated to ask her out because I also felt a crush coming on but I waited and eventually another co-worker cued her in on the 'possibility' that I might be into guys. Nevertheless, the dinner did have the air of a date. We dressed up, etc.

This girl is intellectually brilliant. I can say I'm flattered to work along side her. Additionally, she's gorgeous. Big almond eyes and long lashes and a broad perfect smile. I have felt attracted to her before, but not in a compelling way. Not enough for me to pursue 'something'. We talked for a little over 3 hours. We had tons to say about many topics. Still, by the end, that we could talk a great deal as friends but likely not as anything more was horribly clear. A friend suggested I revisit my self-definition as 'bisexual'.

I told her all I knew is that the intenstiy of my crushes on women match those on men. However, they are much more frequent with men than they are with women.

I told my dad. He was upset, but he didn't put it in my face. He just sort of bit the bullet. I love him for doing things like that--he's honest, but isn't trying to impose himself.