Wanting so Bad

Tonight I just want to be gay sooo badly. Not just homosexual, but happy--hahaha. Perhaps its the fact that I slept an extra few hours last night or that my stimulants are kicking in well today, but I am in a kick ass mood.

I read some excellently enheartening shit today on the Great Cock Hunt--a blog I read. The latest entry entitled "Intimacy" is phenomenal. It very much echoes the sentiments regarding the sacrifices necessary in relationship that NSSG recently wrote about as well. It seems that everyone is on the same page--except for Mr. Jared on Completely Naked who apparently found a near flawless man--gorgeous, intelligent, caring, and a great fucker. But that's enough of my take on the gay blogosphere.

Yesterday I got great news from a business deal I set up for my father. The figures got into him last night and he, thrilled and yet concerned, phoned me. He didn't expect it, and gave me access to more of his assets to invest for him as well. He has been incredibly reluctant to share information regarding that particular form of capital with me. I've been wanting to invest it for him for quite a while now and made the proposition to him a long time ago.

Still, I understood that giving access was not the main point of his call. As I began to get off the phone, his tone of voice changed, and he wanted to talk. He seemd concerned about something, but I couldn't tell what. He mentioned issues at one of his other jobs.

This other job is not about making money. He does it because he believes in it. While he still makes a pretty penny off of it, its been taking some rough punches from others in that field. He built a large part of this organization from the ground up, and now, it may not survive. He hasn't told me all that much about it--I later figured because talking about it in that way hurt too much--but its gotten media attention for a while now, and some of his close friends and colleagues have also mentioned it to me.

One of my siblings had called earlier this week--bitching about how much he hates our family and wishes he could have a different one. Yes, he got the short end of a lot of shit. That fact is undeniable. But he's been given many many chances and now he's succeeding in his field of choice. However, he does have a hard time dealing with the relational consequences of the shit that went down in our family previously.

I told him he had to forgive and accept us as we were. He said we were the most two-faced people he had ever known. I said such was the case because we're the people he knows the best. Get to know anyone and the duality of their being becomes apparent.

He didn't like that. He also though I had too much pull in the family. I confirmed his resentment towards me for that point. Oh, well...

I alluded to Rosseau and another thinker who coined the term "Every other is every other". Humans are all one--many of us just don't realize it. Our connection to that collective is our family. You cannot accept yourself or others separately, including the fam.

He said he had to do something with his anger. I didn't advocate the contrary. He still needed to just fucken come to terms with shit. He's young. I love him nonetheless a great deal and I hope he gets through these points soon.