the Other Thanksgiving

So during my dinner with my Asian best female friend, she posed several questions that I found interesting.

The first was one posed by her ex, which was, what do you feel, as opposed to think, when you first awake?

I didn’t answer because she didn’t ask. Her answer was a dull sense of pain. My answer would have been fear—fear of annihilation as a result of inadequacy. Totally Freudian but whatever.

The second question was how I had come to like Asian boy—what qualities brought about my crushing interest?

I said the convexity of his pecs and the proportion of his upper to lower body, etc. etc. She wrinkled her face like many girls would. She said—so you’re like the terminator—assessing people’s physical qualities.

Yea, I said, but that will only get someone noticed, not my active interest. It is my perception of his internal conflicts that makes me curious to find out what is there.

So that’s how you pick she said. Yea, I replied. She seemed uncomfortable. I said, I know I’m being stupid.

Oh? She said.

Yea, a friend of mine once said—would you prefer a Tiffany’s jewel in a brown paper bag or shit in a Tiffany’s box. I said, I’d like my goddam Tiffany’s jewel in its Tiffany’s box.

That friend replied with—that’s fine, but you are limiting yourself to an extremely and extraordinarily miniscule portion of the population.

My Asian friend busted into laughter. Having regained her breath, she said, So you know this?

Yea.

She’s right—it is an extremely, extremely, small group of people.

Yea, but I can’t fake it. It takes really really hot people to gain my romantic interest. I can care and love many people. But romantic interest, that’s a tough one.

Despite all this bullshit about my issues, she mentioned that I had changed. I noticed a change in her as well.

She asked, from where does your change come?

Pain and suffering. The place from where the best of my change comes—after all I do in some sense epitomize human stupidity. What did she think—that I was wise. She laughed again.

Pain and suffering—huh. She looked down, and said as her eyes widened—Lots of pain and suffering.

Got to learn to embrace it I said. It’s one of the few things that will genuinely change a human’s heart.

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I came back from my trip and was exhausted. I felt like I needed another vacation despite the fact that my traveling went as smooth as butter.

I was simply reflective as I traveled amongst folk.

I rushed into the Monday morning meeting late but caught a good chunk of it.

I went downstairs and got started on my work. I finished early enough to run errands and still make it to the gym back in time to see Asian boy.

I contemplated not going. Why go? I hadn’t slept nearly enough for a real workout. It would almost be counterproductive. I had to go. I had to see him.

I gathered my shit and marched towards the large buildings. We saw each other, although not simultaneously. He pretended not to see me and walked away.

There was another friend whom I had randomly run into during the weekend whom I went to greet. We chatted and laughed as he recounted his encounters with the savagery that overcomes women during shopping season. He went with his girlfriend—they are the cutest couple—total opposites—totally male and female in the conventional sense.

So then I circled over and went over to Asian boy. He saw me coming, but still pretended to not see me. He walked away from his machine and sat on the nearest mat and started doing sit ups. I had to call out his name, for him to heed me.

But his reaction could’ve been a freakin impossible one eighty slalom turn. I asked him how his trip was, as I called his name. He turned with bright open eyes—he was excited to tell me how he got rerouted across the whole country and then back through a different corner just to get back. It added twelve hours to his already long flight commute. It snowed the last day he was there. Fuck, I thought. I sort of freaked. He hit both U.S. coasts and a major northern Midwestern city within twelve hours. The kid might as well have flown an extra half lap around the world. I said—you must be exhausted. Yea, he said, but his frown was odd because it didn’t match his energy in talking to me. He said that he got in at six this morning. I said that I felt like skipping work and just sleeping all day. He looked away and said he could’ve done the same. How was it here he asked? I wasn’t here I said, and I told him where I went. He looked confused. Yea, I didn’t mention as the starting point of my trip my home town. However, I don’t know if that’s why he was confused.

I said—Well, I guess I could ask you how it was today all over the U.S. Fuck, I just thought for a second that you were being really ambitious in your travel plans when you mentioned both coasts. He laughed and I walked off.

Later, we were near each other again while working out. He was stretching a muscle he wasn’t working in between sets. Hahahaha. And avoiding eye contact at the same time. Geezus I thought.

So I just playfully and only while in passing without looking at him said into his ear—I feel so faTT and weaKK. He laughed, but then looked stunned and said, and straightened up quick—you didn’t come here at all???

I said—I wasn’t here. He looked confused again. I told him where I went again. This time he seemed to realize that I flew into an airport that didn’t correspond to my hometown. But his reaction was odd—he gave me a knowing grin and just looked at me with what seemed like slight suspicion.

He might have thought significant other had we not recently become myspace buddies and he were to now know that I am single as is he. My machine freed up so I proceeded. When he finished his set, he bolted. I think this kid must be on a strong as stimulants as me.

Later, I went by him again, and asked, “Other than the snow, how was your week?” He said, it was great, I went snow boarding. We were interrupted by someone asking if either of us was using his machine. He said, its okay I can use this one, pointing to an identical and available one right next to us.

Then I did the stupid—and got sort of scared about him starting to talk to me. I got shy, and I demurely said, I won’t keep you, go ahead. He smiled hard and slightly laughed as he looked away. His smile was gorgeous—I hadn’t seen him previously smile so hard. It was beautiful.

I didn’t know how to re-start the conversation. I wanted to get the hell out of there as I assumed he did too. As I was stretching, a group of Asians came in, approached him, and all started talking to him. He went with them to a different part of the gym as he spotted one of them.

Then, very suddenly, he hurriedly walked to get his bag and left. I hadn’t previously seen him leave in haste.

I thought—cool, now I can figure something out till next time.

I’m an uber dork. Its ridic.