It's Not the Same Anymore =(

"I don't know what you're babbling about..." 1L said curtly at my description of my microwave. I had called it a nuclear microwave. Didn't he ever watch Home Improvement?

He would've never responded to me before in this way. I was a demi-god to him who could do no wrong. All of my rantings were somehow explained away by him as some excellent twist of good character.

Now--I know that he believes my single-hood to be a reflection of some deep perverted profound sense of superficiality. His feelings towards me are a mixture of anger and disappointment. The pain I caused him he writes doesn't hurt as much because he wanted me as a boyfriend, but more so because I was careless towards him as a best friend. He felt mistreated he says--by his best friend. As much as that comment hurt, I did not know how to remedy it. I could not have read his mind, and I never expected him to be so emotionally un-intelligent as to fall in love with me so profoundly so quickly with so little feedback from me.

He has graduated now and it was nice that he texted me throughout the ceremonies. He's more reserved now on the phone and on IM. He has made a serious request of me to visit him in his new city. The price is pretty steep though. He implied that he'd be willing to pay for the ticket. He also made it clear that he'd like to fool around physically. He says that now he can have sex with me knowing that I would not be anything in the future than just a friend. This turn around occurred in a matter of days. When he first wrote this to me, I honestly swore it was a plot to do away with me. I'd never return from my little escapade.

I was honest. It would be weird for me. I said to him--Are you bipolar? One day he wanted to drink himself into a stupor so far gone that he would forget I existed, and the next day he wants to 'blow my mind'. I said I needed time to be assured of both his and my acclimation to our new status.

Right now it sucks. I don't have good male gay friends. I wish I did. Someone who was out of the closet, doesn't sexualize me, and is just willing to just shoot the shit. Oh yea, having them be brilliant like 1L would help too.