Reality Overload

I move so fast in life, that like in house music, I just have a break down, a day when I just have to halt everything and just think.

I fell hard for this couple. In particular really just the lawyer. He's so fucken hot. So tall. Such broad butch shoulders and killer arms and pecs. His painfully shy smile and expressive eyes. Angular jaw and dimples. It just ... killed me. So brilliant... so intuitive. I'm insanely jealous.

How did his boyfriend nab him? Why does his boyfriend seem to be the one pushing for this 3rd person? Why would anyone feel like they need another when u have such an incredible package all to yourself?

We had dinner. At their place. Which was of course... palatial. I thought the non-lawyer was a trophy boyfriend. I assumed as much from the fact that he had a totally jacked body without having to go to the gym. However, I googled after I got both of their full names. Instead, he's a multi-millionaire. An entrepreneur who made his fortune during the tech boom. Now, he just takes up hobbies. Wow... must be nice ;) and he gets the gorgeous brilliant hubby.... wow...

The lawyer was a totally different guy when he opened the door. Gone was the shyness and painful awkwardness. Instead of the demure boyish awkwardness from the gym, I got the piercing confidence of a jock at home in his domain. He was wearing a black muscle tee... He's pale, which contrasted the shirt making the muscles of his arm look even fuller.

"Hey," he said. He didn't ask how I was. Or anything. It's as if he didn't need to know. As if he just assumed why I was there.

Before I got there, they texted me asking me if we could do dessert first. I texted back, "It doesn't matter. I don't eat dessert."

They texted: "Haha, dessert = you."

"I'm sorry," I texted, "but I don't fuck on a first date--hence the headline of my profile. If that doesn't work for you guys I understand."

It's cool, they replied, Just come over.

At least I averted a very embarassing moment.

So, you spent the day at the opera, I asked the lawyer. He told me the intricate plot. Like a boy telling you about his favorite action movie, he told me all the intricate details. I pretended like I understood and cared.

We sat down, and they started cooking. We went over my upbringing, parents, childhood, law school experience, undergrad, coming out process, forthcoming summer internship, gym, and schedule all in about 1.25 hours. I got from them how they met, their careers, their upbringings, friends at the gym, and past relationships.

The lawyer got nervous when he realized just how many people I knew. He got taken aback when he realized I knew a bunch of people he knew.

He asked me some very penetrating questions. Yes, pun intended, and yes, he's the top.

He listens so intensely. You can see everything in his eyes. His thoughts, his reactions, his soul.
Everyone falls in love with him. His first summer... he dated his immediate superior. He didn't realize there could be an issue. One of his closest co-workers is a former lover who never got over him and followed his career path. Still, he seems to carry himself in a drama free way. Hence the attraction.

I realize in the end that I just want one thing from them. Intimacy. They figured this out. Its not so easy to get that from a fuck. Its even harder if its a trouple (couple of a three). I'm the one who's left without. I'm no big deal to them. I'm one of many in a sea of hotties at a gym known to have one of the hottest populations in the world...

The lawyer suggested dinner next time, again.

Do they mean it?