Self-Perspective

In sex-ed class back in HS, we had forums where we all put questions into a hat and then the teacher explicitly answered them all no matter how 'vulgar' they were. Someone asked, "Do other people see what I see in the mirror?"

One of my sisters just graduated. She goes to boarding school up in this really pretty place. It takes a while to get there however, as per my father's usual route. She didn't invite everyone, go figure, but I was happy that I was going. Not everyone would be riding together, so I was glad that I was riding with my dad. We drove an awesome 2-seater all the way there. My dad tore up the high way.

We were late. My dad and I rarely go to such events together. I didn't say anything about being late. I just went with the flow.

I'm a ham I guess. But, I got wind of the fact that I was known as my sister's hot older brother. I remember the first time I visited the school, I got checked out a lot, and overtly. The peeps there just got a little unnverved around me. It was cute. It seemed to bother my sis a little. Either way, I didn't want to disappoint, and I didn't want my sis to think that I didn't think of this event as anything but the most important. So, I made sure I looked my best.

My dad was a little freaked out that I actually busted out a good suit. Also, not everyone at the ceremony was dressed as impressively as they could have. The school is largely old money--they often do not feel the need to flash. Nevertheless, the campus looked unreal. Fuck damn, straight out of a fucken story book.

Just as we were walking in, this older middle-aged woman, approaches me. I don't know how fast she was walking, but almost as soon as I became aware of her, she was in my face and making direct eye-contact. She completely ignored my father.

She extended her hand but never broke eye-contact with me. In a pretty intense tone, she said, "You must be so and so's brother."

I was taken by surprise that she knew exactly who I was. "Uhhhm, yes... It's nice to meet you." I shook her hand, and she was staring at me intensely. Then, her gaze wavered as she realized that I did not know who she was.

She quickly without breaking eye contact told me her name. Yep, it was that college prof on sabbatical about whom my sister had talked. This woman taught at one of the very top universities but had taken time off to teach on the side at the high school level. She told the students that high schoolers' minds were more open and malleable. They were unafriad of not knowing and so were 'refreshing'.

"Yes," she said, "I can see it in your eyes." I was totally shocked at this point. "Your sister told me your career aspirations," she said in that intense tone. "Calculating, cunning, extremely perceptive, I can see how you are looking at me," she said. Holy fuck, I'm thinking. Who the hell is this woman!

I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say. She was just being so plain, direct, and unabashed. I got embarassed suddenly. She had called me out. She could see right through me. I hate and yet love that.

Suddenly, I remembered that my father was supposed to be standing right next to me. I very quickly and lightly flashed my peripheral vision in his direction, without moving my head. I think his mouth was not closed either. That made me even more nervous. I was embarassed again.

"You went to such and such university, did you not?" she asked. "Yes," I replied, still beffuddled.

Suddenly, she realized that she was being rude to my father. So she turned to him, and said, "Mr. so and so, it's great to finally meet you."

They shook hands. I could tell my father was still weirded out by the whole exchange. "I love your daughter in class," she started, "she always brings fresh perspective to the material."

We talked, about my sister and about all of our backgrounds. Before we parted, the professor gave me a card with all her contact info, and asked that I stay in touch. She said she definitely would with my sister, but that we were welcomed to talk to her too.

Nuts.

The rest of the ceremony went without a hitch. The whole thing was pretty incredible. My sister's work was recognized which was a major surprise to my father. When he realized the fact, he was shocked, but then got this happy look on his face. It was so authentic and genuine. His smile burst into laughter, but it was a laugh full of joy. His laugh broke the disbelief and shock on his face, but not completely. The disbelief lasted beyond the laugh and smile, and had he been a woman, I thought he would've cried. Crazy.

Awards are a big deal to him, but apparently, they can be so for him at times, in an non-egotistical, unselfish way. Perhaps he didn't feel self-absorbed and prideful as at other times regarding awards with one of his kids, because well, my sister didn't necessarily get herself academically on track because of him, but almost in spite of him. I don't know if this fact really changed the situation or not.

We cheered and clapped for my sister. I was kind of shocked, but not really. I had been abreast of how she was doing. I got the hint that she was rocking the school.

My father misperceived my sister. I sort of got called out. My father later brought up this incident with this professor. He thinks that I did something, perahps with my facial language, to prompt her reaction. That's just not so. I just wonder if I misperceive myself or others me, etc. Or maybe my father just doesn't get me? Fuck. To me, this would matter a lot.