Hanging Out with the Parents

Not my actual parents but Tim & Lacey... haha. I think of them like that, sort of.

Was over at their house tonight cuz Tim & I were watching Batman Begins. I wanted to watch it before the sequel hits theatres.

I'm a scared to start writing about T&L b/c they are embody so much of what I wish I were and thus so much of what I envy. They off an objective basis of measuring myself up. Sucks I see the relationship partly in this way but its unfort & true.

So I think I'll start with tidbits, & go from there.

I've decided to start hanging out with Tim more often. After the bachelor party, I realized that alot more of my identity is andro-based than I have previously cared to admit. I had a fucken blast hanging out with just a bunch of real guys. Not necessarily 'straight' males, but actual guy guys. I've uncovered all these issues I didn't see before. Identity affirmation is best done in groups. Almost necessarily so. Group affirmation tends to be less narcissistic--so its kind of healthier. I feel validated, etc. Hence, I've decided its rather essential for me to hang out with guy guyz on a regular basis. This proposition may sound retarted to a lot of politically correct minded genderists, but I can't believe I'm writing this---it's really true for me. I've needed to validate and be at one with my masculinity. It needs to be done in a spontaneous way. Tim does this all the fucken time. I've dismissed him in the past pretty blatantly. I'm not going to do that anymore. So this week we watched Jackass II in addition to today's movie.

His soon2-b wife is rather atune to this gender dichotomoy. It's insane how each of their identities are so inextricably linked from their genders.

We were talking about my blog and the wifey wanted to know the name of my blog. She says she searched for it and couldn't find it. So Tim and I tried to explain how its necessary to just have certain things to yourself. She didn't like that. He referred to a journal he kept from her. Oh yea, she said with a strong hint of annoyance. She pointed to an orange and asked him to throw it over to her. So he did. As soon as she caught it, she coiled back and lobbed it right at him really hard. It hit one of their cabinets right in between the glass and the pane of the window doors. It luckily didn't hit, but Tim was pretty surprised and almost upset when he went to go look at the possible damage. She was livid and pass it off as playfulness.

It was sort of hilarious. She said, What's wrong, you aren't laughing?

Well, you almost broke the glass, he said, in a tone that really wasn't upset. You should've known I was throwing it at you, she says. How? He asked. I also chimed in with a very confused expression. Because, she replied, you just threw it to me!

I thought, WTF? Oh well. Girl goes buck wild cuz she can't have the 411 on everything. She has these random losses of control as a result of semi-emo overloads. They are apparently characteristic of women I hear. TOO funny.

In the middle of the movie, this other chick I'll call Miranda comes over. Miranda is the athletic version of Paris Hilton. Super-blonde, super thin, and most straight guys find her more attractive than her objective aesthetic achievement warrants. She brought her dog over so that she could play with T&L's dogs.

Tim thinks Miranda is super hot. I don't totally get it, honestly. Her fiance however is fucken smoking. I used to see him around all the time, while running or lifting. You could see his eight back through his shirt. The guy had a body you didn't necessarily get from just working out, but you just had to be born with it. Super broad shoulders, a perky ass, a tight waist, and tall v-shaped frame to boot. Lacey called them Barbie & Ken.

So, when Miranda brings her dog over, Tim wants to take a 'break' from the movie, and 'socialize'. Miranda gets all wierded out, partially I think because I saw her running like two days ago and I didn't say hi. I was fucking running intervals and she caught me right in the middle of one. Plus, I didn't totally recognize her as many blondes look alike to me--I'm being serious. I know--I'm just jealous cuz they get all the straight hot guyz...

OMG, T&L get so worked up about this couple. They just adore them. So for a while, I just had to sit back and be side stepped by the blonde bombshell and her dog. She looked at me awkwardly and apoligized for interrupting. She's genuinely nice and sweet. No buts about that. I think she was also wierded out to realize that I was so close to T&L. She senses that I'm different somehow. She just can't put her finger on it quite yet;) I know the fucken reaction.

Eventually, Tim started the movie again. He's cool like that. She leaves after a few minutes and was again all wierd about seeing me there. I think she was all wierd because I'm not super duper uppity and just plain thrilled about life every moment of my waking existence. I think she falls asleep with a smile on her face. T&L also get all happy around them. I'm probably generally morose. Next to her, I must seem like the fucken grim reaper---HAHAHAHA.

I realize I have a hard time getting along with conventional people... even though I need to have that ability and could very likely benefit from it. I often myself realizing that seemingly, lots of people want to be my friend. But I often dismiss them in a somewhat brusque way, and I see consistently an awkward reaction from them. I either assume that they won't like me, or that they aren't interesting enough for me. T&L continued to be there with me, despite that aspect of my mal-fucntionality. By being there for me, regardless of my wierdness, they make me feel acceptable as a person. For that, I think I owe them the world.