I told him about my job. He was like, "So how are you liking it?". I was like---"errr... not so much. It wasn't what I thought it would be and I think I didn't luck out with the people." "Hey listen," he says, "I'm working with a new client and I think you'd be great for this project."
I got interviewed--and the proposed salary was at least 33% more of what I was currently making. ChAA-CHING. I also 'chatted' with the client with whom I would be first working. Turns out they were fellow alumns... and also an LGBT firm. Holy shit. What a vastly different turn of events for me. I put in my resignation a few days after I got my employment offer letter.
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I had moral qualms—sort of—about taking the job because I’ve realized that the alumn who got me the job has been into me for a little while now. We met after my first year in school. I did one of those alumni mentoring-type events, collected a few business cards, followed up, and he was among those who got back to me. He got me my first job—that was really cool. I loved it. I met the coolest people, got to work in a badass part of the city, and got a preview of what I might want to do with my life. That was the upside.
The downside was that it was among my first hardcore crash-courses in workplace and/or boss-employee relations. I can’t remember when was the first time he made an outright comment that seemed like a come-on. I think it was when he realized that I always brought my own food to work, that the portions seemed to always be the same, and that it was nutritionally very clean. After questioning me about it, he began looking me up and down—well everything except my face—and said, “I don’t know why you would worry about what you eat. You don’t seem to have an ounce of fat on you.”
I guess I should’ve felt really flattered, but instead, I felt really awkward. I didn’t know what to say. I was standing in his office when he made his comment. I do remember that I felt as if he was concentrating on the rest of me so intensely, that had I been disassociated from my body, he wouldn’t have been the wiser. I could’ve just handed him what he was looking at, walked right out the door, and he never have realized or perhaps reacted to the whole exchange.
There were several more incidents like that one. The last one during that summer was perhaps the one that made me realize how awkward such situations made me feel. He wanted to personally give me my last paycheck and take the opportunity for an overview of my time there—you know how the whole experience went for me & such.
I showed up on that Saturday morning in a t-shirt. When I sat down, his eyes were glued to my chest. I have trouble finding t-shirts that aren’t obviously oversized and that don’t cling to me. I was wearing that one in particular because it was a gift from a group of kids with whom I did volunteer work. I didn’t expect the meeting to go very long.
With his eyes not really leaving the front of my shirt, he asked me, “Where did you get that shirt?” I told him how I had done work with those kids. “Oh,” he said. “Well, you fill it well.” He still wasn’t looking up. I felt really awkward at that point. He wasn’t paying any attention to me. I could’ve chopped off my pecs, placed them on the table, walked out of the coffee shop, and in all likelihood, he would not have minded. I felt so awkward again, and at an extreme loss of words. I just sort of awkwardly waited, until he snapped out of it, and then changed the subject. He did so by bringing up something from work with a slight bit of bravado. I guess it might have helped steer the conversation away quickly.
Perhaps I should’ve been happy. I mean, was such a reaction not the reason why I busted my ass in the gym almost everyday? I didn’t think I’d feel disconnected in the moment. My feelings indicated that neither my looks nor my appearance was me. Clearly—otherwise I would’ve felt happy about it. Why I attribute so much importance to looking good, fuck, I still have to learn. I’m partly scared to let go of it. I mean, if all else fails, just look hot, right?
Later, he kept in touch periodically just randomly calling me usually with a reason that while related to my interests was not fully compelling. Nevertheless, I was not going to be rude. He asked often when I would be in his part of town, and on several occasions, bought me lunch. During one of those times, he introduced me to a guy whose career would get me to realize what I wanted my life to look like. After that time, I couldn’t really complain to myself about this alumn. He had with that one experience, changed my life.
After I got out of school, he continued to stay in touch, got me more face time with this other super successful dude, and then called me up with this job offer. I never even turned in a resume, which I guess can be common among certain alumn networks.
I was concerned about having to work with him again. In the back of my head, I also knew that working for a gay firm might be a clever opportunity on his part to perhaps get me to come out to him, or if I developed some sort of friendship with anyone who was out, that my orientation would eventually surface. He often brings up women he thinks are hot in conversation, and wants me to either agree or disagree. His doing so bothered me as well.
A week after me starting, he left our project and turned it over to someone else at the firm. While the news was a bit shocking, I wasn’t too sad to hear it.
The first day I saw him after coming back I was surprised. I had not remembered him too well. He’s really tall, aggressive, and, in my opinion, not easy on the eyes. His aggressive personality however, is sort of erotic. He’s not sure of himself all the time, but his attitude leaves no doubt that he’s going to act, and act forcefully, regardless of his beliefs about himself.
So far, I got—a great job, in a great place where I need to be. I’ve been fortunate.
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