Zeus

I would call him Hercules except that he is buff among the buff. In writing about humility, I used him as an example—the guy who adjusted the cable machine for me. So I’ll refer to him as Zeus—the king of the gods.

He is that really really ridiculously big guy that every gym seems to have. He is that one who stands out because he is just by far the largest guy—by like a lot. He is impossible to miss because he is not just hugely broad, but also very tall. Until recently, I just dismissed the dude completely. I thought he was stuck up because he moved about the gym with particular decisiveness, rarely acknowledging anyone else. Ironically, that also describes me.

However, my attitude eventually changed after a few interesting encounters. The first was when he wore a very skimpy tank top, which at certain points during his work out would easily ride up exposing his stomach. Most guys his size are defined at best. Many are on the verge of being powerlifter types—with all their muscle submerged in blubber. However, when this guy wore this top, I realized that he did nto fit this stereotype in the least.

HOLY SHIT—this dude was quite literally ripped to the bone. He didn’t have a 6 pac, but an 8pac and very likely a 10pac complete with deeply chiseled obloquies. I was floored by what I saw. The dude is at least fifty pounds heavier than me, and also more ripped than me. Whatever he was doing, he was doing it right. He had my respect in that department.

The second encounter is sort of odd. As might be typical, this guy often talks and works in with the other largest guys in the gym. However, he does hang out with one interesting girl. This girl caught my attention first because she’s really really hot. She’s on the track team, has a very curvy body, and she’s deaf. She can read lips so she does not need people to sign for her, however, her speech of course sounds differently.

Watching the two is for some reason endearing because the big guy loses his grimace that he wears when he’s heaving the weights and might at times almost smile. He does smile of course and laughs with his buddies. But when he’s with her, he appears more sensitive. I have always thought these two were an item. However, I started to notice that they did not affectionately touch each other, bringing into question my assumption.

The third encounter was interesting because this guy often walks around in a scowl. He did so to such a degree that 1—seldom could his facial features be actually assessed and 2—seldom would I even have the thought to actually look at his face directly for fear that I would be discovered in the act of “checking him out” and pulverized into the ground. The guy’s voice is also a low bellow. In short, he is completely unapproachable and for a gay dude like me—a major danger.

This one time however, we were passing each other and although I never wanted to be caught randomly looking at the guy, I also did not want to demonstrate fear at looking at him when the occasion might call for it. I didn’t look away. We looked at each other and nodded. Again, I was surprised by what I saw. The guy had a hot face. His eyes were pretty. Deeply set behind naturally arched eyebrows, his almond-shaped orbs were a light mocha color.

I was like whoa—the dude is very genetically blessed.

Still of course I just dismissed him. I thought about one day just telling him that he was quite an athlete, but I figured he would see right through that, and take it as a come on, and then pulverize me. So I just continued the usual ordeal.

Another event that changed my perspective was one time when I lost my cell phone. He was at the gym and as is rare for him, actually sitting down and still for a second. I was rather worried about my phone and cast aside any shyness and simply asked him if he had seen it. He was at first gruff but then he sort of got this scared look on his face and said that if he did see it, he would make sure to tell me and that he hoped that I found it soon. I found the sudden turn in his expression curious.

I was however genuinely touched by his secondary response and so I just let the smile within me surface and I said thanks. I did not expect that reaction from him. I realize—I might have just been falling for the dude and reading waaaay too much into it. That very likely might be the case.

The next event that changed my perspective was the whole cable incident. He not only seemed humble in doing so—but dare I say he seemed almost eager to do a nice favor. The humility part struck me as awesomely cool—but the near-eagerness—that didn’t fit with humility so much. I got the feeling that something might be beneath that.

The next event that changed my outlook was me getting the feeling one day at the gym that he was watching me from afar. I—and most others—at the gym look into the distance as a way to move about casually without inadvertently looking we’re hitting on the people immediately around us. I can let my eyes wander safely as long as the points of vision are far enough into the distance to allay any sexual fears. He was doing the same. However, I still got the feeling that he was watching me.

I have figured out how to tell when someone is staring discretely at me from a far. Usually, they scan the room in various ways with one consistency—I am always at the mid-point of their scan. So, I changed my pattern of “staring off into the distance” to sort of watch him too. I seemed to find him looking in my direction often. Still, this too could also be a coincidence.

I have been known to be rude at the gym because when people say hi to me, I will either ignore them or acknowledge them only that one time and then never again. However, I figured that since he was nice enough to acknowledge me more than once, I should introduce myself.

So, today he was there and I got the same feeling about being watched by him. Usually, if I pace I will do it in a predictable and uniform way after each set—so that again, no one gets the wrong idea. Interestingly enough—he was within a few minutes in my path. So as I started to my pacing, I looked like I was approaching him.

At first, I was like—oh shit. But then I saw that he reach for his earphones and removed them. I realized he was giving me the go-ahead. So instead of just pacing—I broke with my pattern and began to walk right up to him. His attention went from being directed in my general vicinity to suddenly locking right into my eyes. I didn’t break from looking at him. For a moment, I could tell he also thought—oh shit—but it was only for an instant. Finally, I smiled and immediately he did too. Our smiles were far too broad for a first casual encounter. The knowledge of the added dimension to our greeting was palpably obvious.

I cordially extended my hand and he reached out, shook it, but squeezed way too hard. My grip collapsed instantly and the pain was immediately on my face. But before my whole body would begin to bend, he loosened his grip and looked at my hand with confusion but then quickly looked up at me with an innocent grin. He was giddy, nervous, and flirty—all at the same time. It was not hard to read what was on his mind.

I said, “Hi…” and then my name. He reciprocated in the same way. We smiled knowingly at each other and then I moved on. I didn’t have anything to talk about. But he didn’t seem to disturbed by my brusque ending. I gather he wasn’t feeling all that eloquent either.

I’m deathly scared that I will fuck this up. The dude seems to be quite a package—hot and with a personality that seems to match his body—in all likelihood better than me on both counts. I don’t want to fucken scare him away like I did cute boy. I’m scared that I am going to fuck this up because I AM INSECURE. I need to really put my previous lessons into practice.